


And Everything Was Where You Found It

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:36:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21130121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An au where Even works at a grocery store while failing to figure out his future.  Isak works at a grocery store to fund his future.  They both hate working at a grocery store.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me loving SKAM and hating working at a grocery store.

The first time Even sees him, he doesn’t think much of it. In fact, the moment barely registers as a _ moment _. It’s really just a passing in the upstairs hallway, a tight-lipped exchange of smiles, and then Even goes on to start his day, forgetting the small greeting among the hundreds he has during his shift as the store gets busy.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

Even has worked at the supermarket for over a year now. He had meant to move on quite a few months ago, to university classes or a job that could lead him into a career, but instead he’s still here, memorizing produce codes and bagging groceries.

He both hates and loves working on the customer service team. He knows he’s good with people, with upselling or making customers feel heard when they’re in the mood to share their life story with him as he rings up their groceries. But it can be so draining. After an all day shift he barely has the energy to keep up dinner conversation with his parents. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t have any friends to drag him out on nights after work. Even’s all about looking for the positives these days.

\-----

It's a month later when Even actually takes notice of him. It’s the end of his shift, and for once he’s glad that he’s been here all day, because it’s almost 16:00 and now no one can question his choice to go home and immediately get into bed. It’s January, and the short days have been getting to him. Even’s walking to the back of the store to clock out when he spots someone laying on the floor in the candy aisle.

He panics for a second. Did they pass out? He does not feel equipped to deal with this. He stops mid-freak out to remind himself to tell management that they really need to consider training for potential medical emergencies. He moves closer and—oh. He recognizes the blonde curly hair from someone in the grocery department. Then he notices the guy’s hand feeling for something under the shelves. Even breathes a sigh of relief. Just an employee going about their day, not a customer mid-stroke, thank god.

Even keeps walking down the aisle, ready to get out from under the fluorescent lights and into the last vestiges of sun the day has to offer. He’s tiptoeing past the grocery guy when he suddenly grabs onto something, yells “Fuck yes!” and jumps to his feet to come face to face with Even.

They stare at each other for a second, and Even can’t help but smile. Because Grocery Guy has really nice eyes. And his hair is messed up from lying on the ground, but it’s all curly and golden and Even, for once, has no idea what to say. All he can think is that he never noticed that when the sun gets low in the sky, it shines through the big front windows of the store and bathes the candy aisle in a light so warm that it makes tired-looking grocery guys look like angels.

The guy gives Even a nod, opens his mouth and it feels like whatever he’s about to say will change Even’s whole world. 

He turns his head towards the end of the aisle where another employee is stocking cookies, and yells, “Mahdi! Found my box cutter, asshole. Hide it better next time.” The other employee lets out a laugh, and Grocery Guy turns his back to Even and starts cutting open his candy boxes. 

Even looks around. The afternoon light has faded, and customers maneuver around him while he stares at Grocery Guy’s back for a beat too long. It’s a really good back. 

So. Not really a life-changing sentence, then. Even shakes himself, and continues on, trying to tamp down the weird things he’s feeling. Who the hell was that? Even wants to know him. Biblically. And emotionally. And literally. He’ll take whatever he can get; all he can think now is he’s never been more excited to come into work tomorrow.

\-----

After that fateful January day, it’s like a game for Even. He walks into the store for his shifts, looks around surreptitiously for that blonde halo of hair, usually accompanied by a sweatshirt or a flannel, tied off with the ugly blue aprons all employees have to wear. If he spots Grocery Guy on the way in, he allows himself to call that day a Good Day™. No matter what happens that day, at least he saw a beautiful face, and that makes it good. 

On the dark days when he doesn’t spot Grocery Guy, he doesn’t let himself wallow. Instead he throws himself into what he calls his “hospitality personality” and tries to give people the best supermarket experience he possibly can. It might just be a random shopping trip for them, but Even knows that even the smallest of gestures can mean the world if someone’s looking for comfort.

The day Even learns Grocery Guy’s name is a Good Day™. He got a full on smile from Grocery Guy as he walked in the door, and now that Even is on register he has the perfect view to watch him stock the Kombucha refrigerator. 

Even is stationed next to Jonas, a newer worker who seems to hate everything the supermarket stands for. Even likes listening to him rant about the bloated corporation they are employed by, how their high-priced produce and low-priced junk food are killing their consumers. He doesn’t always understand what Jonas is on about, but he appreciates people who express their viewpoints with such passion. He’s been longing to find that again.

Jonas’ issue of the day is the ever-increasing number of grocery delivery apps and something about disposable work forces. Even has effectively tuned him out to stare at Grocery Guy’s arms as he moves boxes around. He’s glad it’s a slow day.

Even doesn’t realize that Jonas has stopped his rant until he sees him sneak up behind Grocery Guy and grab him by the shoulders, startling him into dropping the box of Kombucha he’s holding. The open box spills to the floor, glass and pungent smelling Kombucha soon flooding the aisle.

Even groans and runs to get cleaning supplies before all the broken glass becomes a hazard. When he comes back, he sees one of the managers lecturing Grocery Guy about being a “fucking idiot” and the dangers of “horsing around at work”. But neither Jonas nor Grocery Guy seem to be listening very closely, as it’s clear they’re trying not to laugh.

They must be pretty close, then. Even tries not to feel jealous, and his train of thought is cut short as Grocery Guy grabs the supplies out of his hands and says with a nod, “Thanks, man. I can take it from here.” He turns to Jonas and adds, “You guys should get back to your registers before we all get written up.”

Jonas has the good grace to look a little bit sheepish as he leads Even back to their posts where customers are waiting impatiently.

Even spends the next few hours mulling over their brief interaction. Grocery Guy has never spoken to Even directly before. He can’t stop smiling about it, but he also can’t help but want more.

Even and Jonas are clocking out at the same time, and Even has to work up some courage to talk about the events of a few hours ago.

“I hope the guy from grocery forgives you for getting him into trouble,” Even starts.

“Who, Isak? Yeah, he’s the best,” Jonas responds with a laugh. “He’ll probably get me back soon for that.”

“Isak?” Even tries to keep his face neutral as they head out of the employee entrance in the back of the store.

“Oh yeah, the guy who dropped the stuff. He’s chill.”

“Oh, didn’t know his name. Are you guys friends?” Even feels weird, trying to scrape up any details he can about Grocery Guy, or should he say, Isak.

Jonas laughs again. “Best friends. We’ve known each other since we were like, ten or something. He got me the job here.”

Friends. Friends is good. Even wants to ask more, but they’ve arrived at the tram stop and he’s still conscious about being seen as a stalker. So he says bye to Jonas, and all the way home he thinks about a name like Isak, and how “Isak and Even” has kind of a nice ring to it.

\-----

The thing about Even is that his life is currently at a standstill. His mom calls it a “transitional period.” But seeing as it’s been over a year since he dropped out of university, Even is pretty sure a “transition” shouldn’t take this long.

He’d had his “hard times” (mom-speak for that time he tried to kill himself) but still managed to finish up his third year after retaking a few exams. But he was so eager to be okay and move on, so by the next fall he had jetted off to Trondheim to start again at his first year of university. 

And by the end of May Even had crashed again. Not nearly as bad as the year before, but enough for him to fail all his classes and get suspended for his academic performance.

By that point he needed no convincing from his parents to take some time off to work on his mental health.

So Even took the best paying job he could with a barely completed high school degree, a cashier at a grocery store a few tram stops away from his house. And he’s still here.

He keeps meaning to look into taking uni classes, at least part time, but something keeps holding him back.

He still texts with the boys, but most of them are spread around the country at various jobs and universities at this point. Yousef is still around, but the times they hang out are few and far between. Even knows that’s his own fault.

The gist is that Even leads a very plain and boring life now. And while a lot of the time he likes his new normal, likes the time spent with his parents, likes the days when he has no plans and can go lay in the park for 3 hours and listen to music, he also gets quite lonely.

So when he sees people around his age who are so full of life, who wear their emotions, good or bad, on their sleeves, he feels an admiration for them for not giving up. For continuing to feel, and show people how they feel, even when this world fucking sucks. Even is trying to remember how to do all that.

Isak is one of those people. Whether he’s in a heated debate with a coworker, helping out a customer, even doing inventory, the attention he seems to give his actions is so apparent and direct. Even wants to be someone Isak gives his full attention to, if just for a few minutes.

\-----

Even wouldn’t call Jonas a friend, per se, but he does consider him to be a work buddy. If Even were a braver man, he would go out of his way to move from work buddy to actual real-life friend, but he’s been out of practice.

Once upon a time Even was considered cool by some standards. He knew what to say, when to laugh, how to make people feel comfortable. But then he grew up, and life hit him harder than he ever thought it would. On days when Even is feeling more bitter about the world, he considers the fact that he probably peaked in high school.

He remembers the excitement he used to feel when he knew he had made a new friend, even during his stint in Trondheim when he was determined to fake his way into being okay.

He’s honest with himself now, with his therapist, psychiatrist, his parents, but he’s yet to really try living as this new, more authentic Even. He’d spent so long ignoring the harder parts of himself, his bipolar, his sexuality, that it’s taken some work to accept them as part of his identity.

But now Even almost feels like he doesn’t know how to act with new people. He wants to wear a sign saying, “I’m Even, university drop-out, bipolar, pansexual, formerly suicidal, desperate for some friends,” just to get the awkward emotional baggage stuff out of the way.

But such a sign does not exist, so one day during a slow hour when Jonas asks him what he likes to do outside of work, all Even can think to say is, “Oh, I just chill with friends, watch Netflix, you know. I’m thinking about re-enrolling in uni.” Technically none of that is a lie.

As long as chilling with friends counts as running into Sonja and her boyfriend last month and somehow agreeing to a lunch filled with very stilted conversation. Her boyfriend was actually very cool, and Even briefly considered asking him to hang out again if it weren’t for the fact that Sonja would have had his head.

So here Even is, desperately wanting to turn to Jonas in between customers and yell, “Let me be your friend! I swear I can be cool once I calm down!” But he doesn’t, so Jonas remains firmly in the work buddy category.

\-----

It’s April now, and Isak has been at the center of Even’s daydreams for the past three months. The longest conversation they’ve had lasted maybe 45 seconds, though Even could replay it over and over for a millennia.

Even’s mom had been begging him to get her some oat milk, as she had heard from her colleagues that, “it’s the best milk substitute there is!” Not one to deny his mother anything, he went in search of it after a shift one day.

He could have just checked the dairy section. But Isak was walking around the store with a clipboard, checking things off a list and looking all cute and professional, and Even just couldn’t help himself. 

So he approached and pretended to forget the layout of their own store, but luckily Isak was all too happy to help him. He grinned when Even explained his confusion about alternative milk trends, and then quickly launched into a pro’s and con’s list of all the milks the store carried. Truly one of the most exciting conversations Even has had in a long time.

Over the past few weeks Even has stuck to the same script, forgetting where something in the store is or acting confused about which products are organic, and Isak will always drop whatever he’s doing to listen to Even’s questions. The problem is that now Even can’t seem to veer the topic onto something not food or supermarket related. 

It’s exhausting, and he’s on the verge of asking his therapist for guy advice. He could text the boys, but Even hasn’t sent anything more substantial than a meme in the groupchat for the last few months, so he feels like it’s no longer an option.

One day the store has a fire drill, and Even spends five minutes delaying his exit just to walk out right behind Isak. 

Yes, Isak’s back is really nice to look at, but Even does have to consider that had it been a real fire, he would have died just because he’s horny. Things are truly getting out of hand.

\-----

Even is late for dinner. This is not an unusual occurrence, but today being his dad’s birthday, it’s a bit of a problem. He’d procrastinated until today when it came to getting a gift, so he’d ended up with the most medium-priced brightly colored tie he could find at a store in the city. 

His dad will say he loves it, wear it once, and promptly forget about it in the back of his closet. A perfect gift. 

Even was pleased with how efficient his tie-picking was, but of course he then got distracted at the new stationery boutique when he was picking out a card to go with it. He’d ended up grabbing a few funny postcards that he knows the boys would love, if he ever bothers putting them in the mail.

But now Even is ten minutes late and currently ignoring the three texts from his mom asking him where he is. He decides to take a shortcut through a park he frequents to save time. 

Even smells the weed before he sees the person smoking it. His old dealer had been more Sonja’s friend than his, so when that ended so did his weekly bowl. 

He’d been too lazy to find someone new, especially considering the potential health concerns. But now the acrid smell brings him back to the days of hiding in basements at parties with old friends or new, every sensation both amplified and muted, all at once.

It’s Isak smoking the joint, because of course it is. He’s sitting on top of a picnic table just off the park path, backlit by the setting sun. Even slows his walk, and considers his situation.

Isak does not look happy. The bags under his eyes are more pronounced than usual. His hand shakes as he brings the joint to his lips and he just looks so sad and thoughtful. Even feels as though he is intruding on a very personal moment. And although Isak hasn’t seen him yet, if he doubles back now it’ll add at least five more minutes to the walk.

He soldiers on, walking briskly past the table, trying not to make eye contact. Isak doesn’t even seem to register someone else being near him. Even feels a weird sense of disappointment that he wasn’t noticed, but he can mull over the moment after dinner.

He’s just passed by the table when he hears a faint “Hey.” It’s just a word, but it sounds so soft coming from Isak. So he stops, turns, and returns the greeting.

Isak lets out a sigh. Runs a hand over his face. “You work at the grocery, right?”

“Yeah. You’re… Isak, is it?” Even tries to tamp down the excitement of being recognized.

“Isak Valtersen. That’s me. What’s your name?”

“Even. Bech Næsheim.”

Isak gives him a small smile, and puts out his free hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, Even.” He takes another drag, and then offers it out to Even. “You want some?”

Even can’t help but let out a laugh. He feels like he’s in one of those cheesy ads targeted at teens to prevent drug use. _Don’t be tempted by the hot guy offering you funny cigarettes! Your parents are waiting for you._ “No, I would, but I’m about to see my parents, so…”

Isak grunts in understanding. “Next time.”

“Next time.” Even feels like his heart is about to burst, but Isak’s face gets sad again as he stares back out into the park. “Hey, are you- are you good?”

Isak looks surprised. “Oh, just. A long day. Lots of stress with school and work, and- you know.”

“Yeah, that sucks.” Fuck. Even gets so fucking tongue-tied around this guy. He’s about to do something absurd like invite him to dinner, when thankfully, Isak continues.

“Can I say something that might sound kind of shitty?” Isak asks with a rueful grin.

“Of course.” 

“I just fucking hate people sometimes. I think I want to go join a monastery or some shit. So nobody will talk to me or bother me with anything.”

“God, I thought you were going to call me ugly or something. You think that’s a shitty thing to think? I think something like that every day,” Even is laughing now, and after a second Isak gives his second genuine smile of the night. “Especially when I’m at work.”

“You? But you’re the best with customers!” Isak responds, shocked. “Jonas told me management literally based their training on how to be more like you for customer complaints and shit.”

Even groans. “I know how to talk to angry people, I guess. But it doesn’t mean I like it. It’s just a skill. Like being really fast at stocking cans or something.”

“Not the same.”

“Okay, a little different. But here’s a reminder that might make you feel better. If you ever see me smiling while a customer yells at me, just know I’m picturing myself ramming a line of carts into their car.”

Isak tilts his head back in laughter. It’s such a nice sound. “I’ll remember that.”

Even is about to continue when he’s interrupted by his phone. It’s his mom, and with that, he’s brought back down to earth. “I should really go.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you.”

“No! You didn’t.” How does Even keep putting his foot in his mouth? “It’s just my dad’s fiftieth birthday, and my mom is stressed, so. And I’m really late.”

Isak nods. “I get it.”

“It was worth it though. Are you sure you’re gonna be ok?”

Isak looks shy as he smiles into his hand. “Yeah, I feel better now. Thanks, Even.”

He wants to stare at that smile forever, but he knows it’s time to go. So he reaches out, gives Isak a squeeze on the shoulder. And then he walks away before he can think about how strong Isak’s back felt under his shirt, or why the fuck he touched him in the first place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimers I should've added in the first chapter:  
1\. I'm from the US. So while I've done some reading, I don't really know the day-to-day operations of a Norwegian grocery store, or university. But people are people and consumers suck everywhere, so I'm basing most of the character's work experience off of my own.  
2\. As in canon, Even is bipolar. Again, I've done research but there might be stuff that I can't communicate perfectly. I think i mostly want to demonstrate his struggle of trying to pick up the pieces of his life again after some unexpected changes (which i can very much relate to), and coming to terms with mental illness is just another little piece of that for him. I hope that makes sense?
> 
> Anywho, please enjoy this next chapter. To everyone who read, kudos-ed, commented, you have no idea how nice that was to see and how much it motivated me to continue writing. So thank you for that!

Even hates today. Magnus, who works in the customer service booth, warned him it was a full moon. When Even asked what that had to do with anything, Magnus just shrugged and said, “You’ll see.”

And now Even does see. Full moons make people act out of control. His managers are stressed because it’s a beautiful Saturday, meaning at least five people called out “sick” and they’ve decided to deal with their stress by taking it out on Even and his coworkers.

The customers are intent on having an issue with every little thing in the store, and Even is reaching the end of his line.

And Isak isn’t at work today, meaning Even was already in a sour mood as he came in. But that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that Magnus and Jonas and even some random guy who works in the produce department are all talking about the amazing night out they had last night, and how excited they are to go out to “Eskild’s bar” again tonight, whatever that means. 

And no one has said anything about it to Even, although none of them have any problem with discussing the event directly in front of him.

So Even feels like shit. Logically speaking, he knows this is his own doing. When Jonas and Magnus first started inviting him out for a drink after work, he just assumed it was out of pity, because he wears his loneliness on his sleeve, so he automatically declined. 

And then he declined the next three times he was asked, always with the excuse of already having plans (this was a lie). 

Last month Magnus had practically begged him to come to Jonas’ surprise birthday party. But some evil part of Even’s brain told him over and over that if he accepted, he would ruin everyone’s perception of him being a chill yet mysterious grocery store cashier, and they would see him for the insecure fraud that he is, and no one would ever want to hang out with him again. And somehow this would lead to him getting fired for being a loser. The line of thought had made much more sense in his head.

So logically, Even understands how he ended up in this situation. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s working an 8 hour shift on this sunny Saturday, that customers and management are devouring his soul. 

It doesn’t change the fact that he’s mad at Jonas and Magnus and even this “Eskild” for not trying to invite him out one more time. That Isak didn’t bother coming in to work, so Even did his hair for nothing. 

And it certainly doesn’t change the fact that all of the obstacles Even faces in life are of his own making, and he has no idea how to stop.

\-----

On his way home from work, he follows the park path where he encountered Isak last week. But of course, Isak isn’t there. This only serves to make Even feel worse than he already did.

He finally makes it home to an empty flat, and remembers his parents took a weekend getaway to see his aunt and uncle up north. For once, Even wishes they had stayed home. The thought of being alone tonight makes him want to cry.

He spends the next few hours lazily throwing together some ingredients for a dinner for one, then scrolling through Netflix to find a new show or movie to get wrapped up in. He finds nothing, and instead restarts Parks and Recreation for the third time.

He’s able to lose himself in the warmth of the sitcom for a few minutes before he hears a notification on his phone. He’s surprised to see Yousef’s name pop up.

_ Yousef: Hey! Miss you man. Hang soon? _

Even feels the adrenaline in his chest. He doesn’t even know if he can answer. But sometimes, just knowing that someone is thinking of you fondly, somewhere, is exactly what you need to keep going.

He stands up. Starts pacing the living room. Looks through his past conversations with Yousef, to see the last three texts Yousef sent him went unanswered. Even really hates himself sometimes.

Yousef is his friend, because they’ve always been friends. They share a history, and Even remembers the times when he felt like he needed the boys just to get through the day. But Even is stuck in place, while his peers progress through life around him. Yousef is on his way to becoming a teacher, is dating Sana and will absolutely marry her, and is a generally well-adjusted person. 

What does Even have to offer? Nothing.

The thought gives him pause. He remembers some advice from his therapist, about arguing back to that voice in his head that tells him he’s worthless.

Even takes a deep breath, and starts his thought process again. This time, he tries to step away from his pity party of a brain, and instead look at things from Yousef’s perspective.

From Yousef’s point of view, Even is his longtime friend. They’re the only two of their friend group in Oslo, and on the whole all they have are good memories. Things were awkward for a few months at the end of high school, but Even and the boys met halfway, as he opened up to them about his diagnosis and they did whatever they could to support him.

Maybe in Yousef’s eyes, he keeps reaching out to an old friend, one who rarely answers, because that’s just what friends do. And perhaps Even’s silence is getting to Yousef, and maybe one day he’ll stop texting at all, the way Even’s coworkers have stopped trying to include him. 

And Even, at least for today, has had enough of being his own worst enemy.

It takes him ten minutes to type out the text, but he finally does. He sends it before he can come up with an excuse not to.

_ Even: I’m around tonight? Or we can plan something for next week. _

He throws his phone on the couch and distracts himself by cleaning up his dishes. He hears his phone ping as he loads the dishwasher, but forces himself to wait until he’s done to check.

_ Yousef: Even! Back from the dead! Tonight is great. Your place? Mine? _

_ Even: Mine? My mom made cookies yesterday. _

_ Yousef: Sold. On my way _

Yousef’s enthusiasm serves to calm Even’s nerves, and he decides to chase that feeling. He finishes cleaning up and pulls out the cookies as well as most of the leftovers from the refrigerator. Even and his mom are no Mrs. Bakkoush, but he knows Yousef will still eat whatever is put in front of him.

Within twenty minutes the doorbell rings. With one deep breath, Even goes to answer the door.

He’s wrapped up in a hug as soon as he opens it. He’s left reeling for a second, surprised that Yousef would do such a thing, until he realizes-- “Elias?”

“Surprise!” Elias and Yousef yell simultaneously.

“I’m home for the weekend! I was just planning on chilling at home and bothering Sana but this one hit me up!” Elias’ smile is so bright that Even can’t help but return it.

“Well shit, man. I would have made more food if I knew you were both coming.” He leads them into the kitchen, where Elias immediately opens up a container of leftover pasta.

“We’ll make do.” Elias replies with his mouth already full of food.

Even can’t settle on a feeling. He’s happy to see his friends in his space again. But nervous, dreading what the night will bring. If the dynamic has shifted too much over time to be comfortable.

He allows himself to sink into his muscle memory, Elias taking the lead as the loudest, the one leading the conversation from describing his “dope” job in Bergen to complaints about his parents. Yousef takes the backseat, cracking jokes and keeping things calm. Even roams somewhere in between, egging on Elias at some moments and keeping quiet at others.

They migrate to the TV, Even taking charge of setting up FIFA while Elias half-jokingly grills Yousef on his treatment of Sana. 

Yousef gets all shy when he talks about her. “Things have been really good, guys. I don’t know. She’s the best, seriously.” He smiles to himself. “Just the best.”

Even had figured all was well, but he feels glad to hear how happy Yousef is, how much Elias supports them.

They’ve been playing for a few minutes when Yousef turns the conversation towards Even.

“Anyone new in your life, Even?”

He hesitates before he answers. “No, not really.”

“Not really? What does not really mean?” Elias looks up from his controller.

“No, I just meant no.”

“If you meant no you would have just said no. Am I right?”

Yousef nods at Elias’ question, the traitor. “He’s right. Who is it?”

“Are you hooking up with someone?” Elias has all but forgotten about the game.

“No! No. There’s just someone that I like, I think.” How does he explain that he has such a big crush on someone he knows so little about?

“Ask them out! Wait, do you have a picture? I want to see them.” Elias says.

“It’s just a guy from work. I don’t know if he’s into guys, but he’s nice. And cute. And I don’t know, we had a good conversation once.”

“What’s his name? Does he have an Instagram?” Elias has his phone out and Yousef is looking over his shoulder.

“I don’t know, I still don’t have one.”

“Well I can look him up. I’m so good at finding people.”

“Come on.”

“We’re not going to message him or anything! We just need to complete the image of who your future boyfriend is.”

“I won’t let Elias contact him, I promise.” Yousef says, always the mediator.

Even gives in. “Well his name is Isak Valtersen.”

Elias scrolls for awhile. “Got him! Wait. Sana follows him.”

“He does look familiar. I think they went to Nissen together. Let me see.” Yousef grabs the phone from Elias’ hand. “Valtersen! I’ve met him before. Him and Sana are in a class together right now.”

“Ok, now I need to see.” It’s definitely Isak’s profile. Mostly just pictures of Isak and his friends. Jonas and Magnus make quite a few appearances, and a few others that Even doesn’t recognize.

“Even. He’s cute. And I’m pretty sure he’s gay. Isn’t he Sana’s gay friend?” Elias asks Yousef.

“Is that Isak? I don’t know, Sana and I don’t spend time discussing all of our friends’ sexualities.”

Even feels slightly disappointed. He doesn’t like to make conjecture about other people’s personal lives, but he would like to know about Isak’s interests. Just in case. When Yousef looks at him, he softens. “But yeah, I think he’s gay.”

“This is perfect! And you don’t have to worry about him being a serial killer because you already have mutual friends.” Elias says as he closes out of the app, to Even’s relief.

“Some serial killers probably have friends.” Even argues. He has that feeling of wanting to talk about Isak forever, and wanting everyone to shut up and never think about his love life again.

“That wasn’t my point. He’s gay, he’s probably single, he’s cute. So are you. It’s meant to be. Ask him out!” Elias insists.

“What if he says no?”

“He won’t say no.” Yousef assures.

“But what if he does.”

“You could just keep it casual. Just ask if he wants to get a drink after work. People do that all the time.” When Yousef says it like that, it almost sounds reasonable.

“And if he’s a huge dick then we’ll get Sana to beat him up. Also it’s not like you’re actually in the same friend group, so you could just avoid him.” Elias adds.

“Except that we work together.”

“It’s a big store though, isn’t it?”

“I hate this.” He likes flirting, and the feeling you get when you like someone, but it’s been so long since he put in the effort. And for some reason it feels big with Isak, like there are stakes at play that he doesn’t fully understand yet.

“Elias is right though. What do you have to lose?”

“But I live with my parents still.”

“So? That’s not weird. Sana does. I would if I still lived in Oslo.”

“It’s called being fiscally responsible.”

“See? Not weird. Yousef is agreeing with me, and he’s the logical one.”

Even knows he’s just looking for loopholes, but he needs to be sure he’s not being a complete idiot by entertaining the thought of making a move. “We’ve only had one real conversation.”

“Okay, then have another.” Yousef counters.

“And then ask him out.”

Yousef shoots Elias a look. “You don’t have to, obviously. But I don’t know, it does seem like you want to.”

“I do,” Even groans. “But it’s been awhile since I’ve really tried to date. And with bipolar and not being in school, I don’t know. It’s just a lot of baggage to ask someone to handle.” He still feels embarrassed vocalizing his current life status, even to the people who have witnessed his whole journey.

Yousef frowns at his wording as Elias rolls his eyes and argues, “Baggage? Even, sorry, but fuck that. Just keep it chill. You’re not proposing, there’s no lifelong commitment. You’re just asking if you can get to know him better. Besides, if something like that is a dealbreaker, then he’s the asshole.”

“Elias is right. And if things are going well, just let him know your stuff at your own pace. No big deal.” Yousef adds encouragingly.

Even feels himself smiling at the thought. He can try being chill. “That sounds okay when you guys put it like that. Sounds doable.”

“That’s the spirit.” Elias says as he pulls out his phone.

Even nods, feeling more confident now. “Next time we talk, I’m going to do it.”

“I just texted the guys.”

“Please don’t.”

“Too late!”

Even begrudgingly opens his messages.

_ Elias: Y’all! Even needs to get hyped up so he can ask someone out. Send support asap_

His phone then starts getting bombarded with various messages of good wishes. Mutta just sends a voice message of him chanting “Go Even” over and over again. Mikael is attempting to write a full script of what he should say with addendums from Yousef.

“Really?” Even says, only slightly serious.

“What? It’ll help, I swear.”

“And you’d do the same for us.” Yousef says with a smile.

Eventually they move on to FIFA, phones forgotten as the competition heats up.

When Even finally gets to bed that night, Yousef and Elias leaving much later than expected, he’s exhausted and smiling. He didn’t realize how much he missed spending time with people like this.

\-----

A week later finds Even in some nth circle of hell. Better known as the grocery store parking lot. It’s a dank dark space underneath the building, and Even is certain the construction of it breaks multiple safety violations.

There is no ventilation whatsoever, meaning that over the course of a shift down here he breathes in a disturbing amount of car fumes, sometimes to the point of nausea.

As with most tasks Even has trained for at his job, he revels in his hatred of parking lot duty. People who seem like competent drivers forget the most basic rules of the road as soon as they enter through the gates of this concrete hellhole.

Over the course of his year at the store, he has been sideswiped by cars, gotten in the middle of fist fights over parking spaces, and has had to ask more people than he would like to please not use the garage as their own private bathroom. He’s justified in dreading the day ahead.

Even is happy to note, however, that on this Sunday morning, he’s virtually alone. He leisurely strolls around collecting stray carts, always making sure to look busy when a manager comes walking through. 

His mom recommended a new true crime podcast, so Even is immersed in the recounting of a murder when someone wraps him in a hug from behind.

“Even!”

“Magnus! Shit, you scared me.”

“We’re parking lot buddies!” Magnus looks ecstatic, as always.

“I thought Eline was supposed to be down here?”

“I convinced her to switch. I felt like walking around today.”

“Eline is running the customer service booth? That’s dangerous.” Eline is one of the grouchiest people Even has ever met. She regularly antagonizes customers and management alike, yet manages to keep her job. She’s worked at the store since Even used to come in with his parents as a child, so he doubts she’s ever leaving.

“I know right? But she’d rather yell at people than spend the day sweating and breathing in… whatever that smell is.” Magnus looks around in distaste at their gloomy surroundings.

“Regretting your decision?”

“Never! Let’s go.” Magnus sets off to collect some carts.

They spend the next few hours patrolling the garage, occasionally kicking around a dirty soccer ball Magnus picked up. Even plays his podcast on his speaker so they can both listen. Magnus interjects with his own thoughts a lot, but Even finds he enjoys his commentary on the subject.

“You would make a good podcaster.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, you have good takes.”

Magnus looks stunned. “Fuck, I wish I could get that on video! I keep telling my friends we should start a podcast and no one wants to.”

“You should.”

“Fucking… I will! God, they’ll regret not getting in on the ground floor.” Magnus pulls out his phone and starts texting.

After a few minutes, he looks up from his phone and gives Even a mischievous grin.

“What is it?”

“Want to do something fun?”

“More fun than this?” Even gestures to the row of carts he’s gathering.

“Leave that. Follow me.” Magnus takes off in a jog towards the back. “You coming?”

Even has no idea what to expect, but he follows anyway.

Magnus leads him to an alcove in the back of the garage, hidden behind the spot where a large collection of broken carts sit, waiting to be taken away.

They turn the corner to find Isak sitting in a cart as he lights up a joint. He takes a hit, then jolts when he notices Even.

“Relax, Isak. Even is cool.” Magnus tries to hop into Isak’s cart but he pushes him off. The carts are deep, so Isak’s knees are against his chest and his legs are hanging out over the side. It does not look comfortable at all, but he still manages to look good.

Isak still seems nervous as he hands Magnus the joint.

“This feels familiar.” Even tries to joke as he gestures to the scene, of him coming across Isak smoking once again. Isak seems to get the reference, and relaxes into a laugh.

“How was the birthday?”

“Oh, good. I was late but the gift made up for it.”

“Nice.”

“How was the park?”

Isak shrugs. “It’s a good park. I go there sometimes to do homework if it’s nice. In the afternoons.”

Even can’t be sure, but he feels like that was a subtle invitation. “Good to know.”

Magnus finally returns to earth after taking a few hits. “Are you supposed to be working right now?” He asks Isak.

“I’m on break.”

It pains Even to decline when Magnus starts to pass him the joint. If he’s going to try smoking again, he knows work is absolutely not the place to start.

“You guys do this a lot?” Even asks. He settles for leaning against the nearest cart facing the two of them, rather than hopping into one.

“Not at work,” Magnus answers. “But Isak does it way more than me.”

Isak turns red as he glares at Magnus. “I really don’t do it that much.” He turns to Even then, as if trying to convince him. “I really don’t. It’s just good stress relief.”

Even is quick to reassure him. “Oh no, I wouldn’t care if you did or anything. I mean, I smoke too. I was just wondering.” Isak still looks embarrassed, and he passes the joint back to Magnus.

Magnus, however, doesn’t seem to notice the tension that just entered the space. “Even! Tell Isak what you said to me earlier.”

Isak groans. “The podcast thing you texted about? Again?”

“What did I say to you?”

“That I should do a podcast.”

“Really? I’m not sure I said that.” Even and Isak share a smile.

“See? I knew you just made it up.” Isak says.

“No! Even, you said I had good takes!”

“I said that? Are you sure? Maybe I was talking to someone else.” Even says, playing dumb. Isak is hiding a giggle behind his hand.

“Are you serious?” Magnus looks back and forth between them. “What the fuck? You literally just met, how are you already ganging up on me?”

Even breaks out into laughter. “I’m kidding. I do think you would be a great podcast host.”

“Even,” Isak whines. The way he says it sounds so intimate. Even wants to hear it again. “Never side with Magnus. You’re boosting his ego way too much.”

“You’re cruel.” Magnus says to Isak. “And I’m not letting you hang out with Evy anymore. I found him first.”

“Evy?”

“Your new nickname.”

Even tries not to laugh too much at Magnus’ earnestness, but Isak has no problem with bursting out in laughter as he says, “Don’t worry, only Magnus will try to call you that. His nicknames never stick.”

The three of them chat for a while as Magnus finishes up the joint.

“What time are you guys off today?” Magnus asks.

“16.” Even answers.

“What about you, Isak?”

Isak doesn’t respond, his face scrunched up in thought. “Um. 16. Done at 16.” Even puts out his hand for a high five, which Isak returns with a grin.

“Damn. I’m here until 17. Any chance you’ll wait for me?”

Isak scoffs. “Hell no.”

“Cruel, I tell you.” Magnus says, shaking his head. He turns to Even. “One time I finished my shift 15 minutes after him and he still refused to wait for me. So mean.”

Isak just rolls his eyes in response.

“Hey, should we go out after work? Happy hour?” Magnus asks, irritation with Isak already forgotten.

“Dude. It’s a Sunday.”

“So?”

“So, I have work to do for class tomorrow.”

“Well we could just chill at your apartment then. I’ll get drunk with whoever’s there and you can be a nerd and finish your work.”

“You’re inviting yourself over?”

“You said I’m always welcome!”

“Eskild said that.”

“Well he has the authority, so I’m coming after work.”

Isak seems to consider this. “You’d have to bring beer.”

“You don’t have any?”

“Not for you I don’t.”

“That’s fair. You want to join, Even?” Magnus asks.

Even looks up at hearing his name. He’d been half listening as he played with a loose thread at the end of his apron. “Sorry? What’s the plan?”

“Watch me get drunk at Isak’s.” Magnus laughs.

“Magnus. No.” Isak interjects as he glares at his friend. “We’ll probably just hang out and order food. With Jonas and Mahdi. And my roommates. Will you come?”

He looks expectantly to Even. A few weeks ago, Even would have come up with some excuse, but he’s trying not to actively sabotage his life right now. “Okay,” he shrugs. “Sounds good.”

Magnus cheers, but Even is looking at Isak. When he sees him light up at his answer, Even knows he made the right choice.

They’re interrupted by the crackle of the walkie talkie Even has clipped to his apron. “Magnus in customer service, please come in.”

“God damnit.” Magnus grabs the walkie. “Magnus here.”

“It’s Jakob. Eline was involved in an altercation at the booth, we need you to come fill in.”

“Yikes. Again?” Even asks. Magnus is struggling to pull himself out of his cart, so Even has to give him a hand.

“Well, duty calls. I’ll see you guys tonight?” Even and Isak both nod. “Good. No flaking out, either of you!” Magnus adds as he runs back towards the elevators.

“And then there were two.” Even says.

Isak lets out a soft laugh and nods again. Even looks around the dimly lit alcove, trying to find something to say.

“We can go over to my place together after work, if you want.” Isak offers.

Even knows he’s probably just being polite, but the thought of a full stretch of time with only him and Isak makes his heart race.

“That’d be good.” They spend a few more moments in silence. “So you’re living in a flat share? That’s cool.”

“It is, yeah.” Isak’s gaze is focused on his hands as he picks at his nails. It’s almost like he’s put up a wall that Even didn’t know existed, now that there’s no buffer in the form of Magnus.

Even waits for Isak to say something, anything, but he’s still just picking at a nail. “Good conversation.” He jokes.

Isak blushes. “I’m really high. I swear I’m better at talking usually.”

“I believe you.” He responds, feeling the tension break a little bit.

Isak’s phone alarm goes off. “Shit. Break’s over.” Isak seems to have an easier time getting out of the cart than Magnus did, but Even puts out his hand anyway. Isak’s grip is firm when he grabs it. Once he’s fully out of the cart and on his feet, Isak keeps hold of his hand for another moment. “We’ll meet out back when your shift is over?”

Even can barely process the words, still staring at where he and Isak are essentially holding hands. “I’ll be there.” 

Isak’s alarm goes off again, and he lets go to silence it. He sighs. “16.” He says to Even, walking away after giving him a little salute.

“16.” Even repeats to himself, after Isak has already turned the corner.

He gets back to collecting carts, this time with more enthusiasm than he knew possible. When Eline comes down to take Magnus’ place, not even her evil eye can get Even down.

\-----

By 15:50, Even is clocked out and collecting his bag from the employee cubbies. If he had the time, he would run home and change out of his slightly sweaty t-shirt, but he’s not missing this commute to Isak’s apartment for anything. 

He throws on a sweatshirt and some deodorant, making sure to send a mental thank you to his mom for always forcing him to pack mini emergency toiletries wherever he goes.

He doesn’t want to be there too early, but he figures Isak will be a few minutes longer, and Even can just act like he was only waiting for a moment.

Even walks out through the back, and is surprised to see Isak already sitting on the curb just across the small alley. He crosses to meet him, and Isak stands up.

“Hey! You got done early.”

“Oh.” Isak glances around. “No, I just finished. Not much to do today, I guess.”

“So do you usually take the tram here? Or drive?”

“Tram usually, because I’m always running late. But it’s only a twenty minute walk. So we could do either.”

Even wants to prolong this alone time as long as he can. “Walking’s good. It’s nice out today.”

Isak grins in response and begins to lead them up out of the alley and onto the street, Even falling into step beside him. Close, but not too close to be uncomfortable.

“You’re in school?” Even starts.

“Yeah, at UiO. Studying environmental science.”

“Wow. That sounds cool.”

“I like it. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but the classes are really interesting. What about you?”

“I went to university for a year, but I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do. And I had some, health stuff I had to deal with. So I’m taking time off now. Just working.”

Isak nods thoughtfully. “Well that’s good, that you’re taking time to figure stuff out.”

“I’ll probably be going back soon.” Even adds, trying not to seem like a complete flop. “Still working out the details.”

Isak turns to him. “Yeah, but there’s no rush.” Almost like he can read Even’s thought process. “I think everyone should be able to figure out their future at their own pace.”

Even stays quiet for a moment. He doesn’t know how to respond, how to tell Isak that he just said exactly what Even needed to hear. “Good point.”

Isak tells him about the classes he’s taking as they walk. The more he talks, the more animated he seems to get. His sentences were short at first, just brief descriptions of what he does all day, but now it’s like he can’t get the words out fast enough.

Even is laughing along while Isak tells a story about his struggles with one of his less studious classmates that he’s stuck in a group with when they reach Isak’s building.

He leads Even up the stairs, which are too narrow to fit two people of their size across, so Even follows close behind him. He likes the way Isak keeps turning to look at him and check in as he continues his story, all the way up to the flat.

Isak lets them in, where they’re met with a small entryway packed with shoes, coats, and bags. “Sorry about the clutter.” Isak says as he kicks some items to the side, making room for Even’s stuff.

“Not a problem.” Even is trying to take in every detail all at once. He is in the home of Isak Valtersen. Grocery Guy. He feels like a kid in a candy shop, eyes darting around every which way as Isak leads them through the kitchen, giving him a very brief tour on the way into the living room, where they find Jonas sprawled out on one of the couches with a book in hand.

“Hey! Finally.” Jonas stands up to greet them both with a loose hug. “What took you so long?”

Even looks to his watch. “It’s only just past 16:10.”

“Weren’t you done at 15 today?” Jonas asks Isak.

“No. 16.” Isak answers quickly.

“Okay? Why did you tell me to come over at 15:30 to do work then?” 

Isak smacks Jonas on the arm. “That’s not- I didn’t say that.”

They then proceed to glare at each other for a few seconds. Even looks between them. Isak looks weirdly defensive, glaring at Jonas and shifting his eyes in Even’s direction a few times.

Jonas seems to pick up on Isak’s message and goes back to his spot on the couch, muttering “idiot” under his breath.

“You guys want beer?” Isak asks with an insincere smile, like nothing just happened. He retreats to the kitchen before anyone answers.

Even looks back to Jonas, who is trying to keep from laughing at Isak’s weird behavior. He gets the feeling then, that Isak didn’t actually finish work at 16, that maybe he even waited for Even, of all people.

Even can’t quite believe his thought process, so he leaves it be. But when Isak comes back from the kitchen, Even makes sure their fingers touch when he’s handed a bottle. Isak almost spills the beers in his other hand, his face flushed as he plays it off like a simple accident.

Even smirks as he sits down. So maybe he’s not completely delusional in thinking there’s something there.

“So who am I meeting today?” Even asks them.

“Mahdi should be over soon. And Magnus, obviously. And some of Isak’s roommates will come hang.”

“Yeah, Eskild isn’t working tonight so he’ll want to get in on dinner. And if Noora and Linn are around then they’ll want something. Those are the roommates.” He informs Even. “Does Eva want to come?”

Even is having trouble keeping up with all the names, but he just nods along. His nerves are spiking at the thought of trying to make a good impression on so many new people.

“She’s working tonight.”

“Eva?” Even asks.

“My girlfriend.” Jonas responds, pulling out his phone to show Even his lockscreen of him wrapped around a vaguely familiar looking girl.

“Was she the one that came to embarrass you at the store when I was helping you out with training?” Even recalls.

“I forgot about that.” Jonas groans. “God, I was so nervous when I first started there.”

Isak has spread out on the floor, arms resting on the coffee table. “I remember. You texted me like 10 times the first day asking if I’d heard anything about them trying to fire you.”

“I wanted them to like me!”

“And now you’re dead inside, just like the rest of us.” Even laments, only half joking.

“I still can’t believe that you don’t actually like the customers.” Isak says to Even incredulously.

“What does that mean?”

“You just seem so happy to be at work when you’re there, I don’t know.”

Even shrugs. “I have some practice at being fake.”

“I think you’re just good at being polite.” Jonas interjects. “Isak here just never learned what that means.”

“I’m not the one who bashes my own company to the customers.” Isak mutters.

Jonas immediately gets heated, even though it’s all in good fun. “People have a right to be informed about the products they’re consuming. Sorry I’m a natural educator.” 

Isak is clearly holding back a grin. “So you’re tearing them down from the inside out?”

Jonas scoffs, but even he lets out a laugh at the thought. “Obviously. Or maybe I like the money and the discount.”

“It’s a pretty good discount.” Even agrees. Soon Isak brings out some books to get started on his homework. The three of them keep talking, Isak and Jonas taking turns sharing stories with Even about their antics throughout their younger years. 

Even recognizes that it could be daunting trying to enter such a tight-knit group, but instead it feels natural. Isak and Jonas are easy to talk to, and seem intent on including Even in the conversation. The realization eases his nerves for the night to come.

Mahdi and Magnus come through then, each with a six pack of their own.

“You must be Even.” Mahdi says as they shake hands.

“You work in the grocery department with Isak, right?”

“Sadly.”

“Sadly? I should be fucking employee of the month! I’m the perfect coworker.” Isak argues.

“Well,” Even interjects. “You did spend your shift getting high with me and Magnus, so…”

“It was my break! I’m pretty sure legally I can do whatever I want on break.”

“Okay, but weed isn’t legal, dumbass.” Mahdi teases. 

They spend a few more minutes poking fun at Isak before they move on to all complaining about different aspects of the store. 

Even feels free at finally being able to talk about his frustrations with people who know exactly where he’s coming from. When he tries to tell his parents these things, they tend to just nod and try to offer solutions.

But here they just go around, each sharing their most outrageous customer stories or issues they’ve had with management. Even realizes it’s a bit of a circlejerk, but by the time Isak’s roommates walk through the door over two hours later, they’re all a few beers deep and it almost feels like Even has become one with the group.

Even then meets Eskild, Noora and Linn. All three have their own charm that Even notices immediately. Eskild is quick to greet Even with a hug, asking him rapid fire questions about his life that Even tries to keep up with.

It’s a quick conversation, as Linn soon declares it’s time to order dinner, and arguments over food commence. Even relaxes back into the couch to observe the dynamics.

Mahdi and Eskild are firmly in the pizza camp, while Noora, Jonas and Linn want to spring for Indian. Magnus is attempting to start a campaign for the new bibimbap place, but he’s having a hard time garnering support.

Isak squeezes in on the couch next to Even, with waters in hand for them. Even nods his thanks, taking a long sip while trying not to react to the fact that their sides are pressed together.

“Having fun?” Isak asks as they watch the madness unfold. There are now ten takeout menus spread over the coffee table.

“Oh yeah. You?”

“Always. You should know for the future, these disputes happen daily.” He gestures to the debate still going on. Somehow Noora has switched to support bibimbap, much to Magnus’ delight.

Even feels giddy at the thought of a future. “I’ll keep that in mind. I won’t lie though, I’m kind of in the mood for kebab.”

“Are you serious?” Isak moves even closer to show Even his phone. He already has the website up for a nearby spot. “Great minds think alike.”

“Should we present our option to the panel?” Even asks jokingly.

“These idiots? No way. I’m thinking if they haven’t picked something in 5 minutes, we just order it for ourselves.”

“Wow, Magnus was right about you earlier.”

Isak acts mock-offended. “That I’m cruel?”

“Yeah. That’s cold. Ordering food for yourself when you have guests over?”

“Hey, technically I only asked you, and you’re in on this. Jonas practically lives here and everyone else is here under Eskild’s open invitation.” Isak eagerly asserts. Even likes seeing him all lively like this in a conversation.

He shakes his head. “If we’re talking technicalities, Magnus was actually the one who invited me.”

“Bullshit. I was gearing up to do it, he just said it first.” Isak says. “Besides, Magnus is in no position to decide who gets to come over. He’s on thin ice himself.”

“Ok, fine. You asked me then.”

Isaks nods, satisfied. “So if worse comes to worst, will you go in on kebabs?”  
Even bites his lip in laughter at Isak’s request. “Yes. I would gladly go in on kebabs with you, Isak. I don’t think group cooperation is happening anytime soon.” 

Linn is now holding court, insisting that despite Indian being slightly more expensive, taste and after-meal satisfaction are worth the monetary difference. She’s making a very compelling argument.

“I’m glad you came over.” Isak says with a smile.

Even returns it. “Me too. I like your roommates. How long have you lived here?”

“Almost a year here. We all lived together in a smaller apartment for awhile, but it only had three bedrooms, so we migrated to this place.”

“That’s good, that you all stuck together.”

“Yeah, it’s been nice to have that stability, I guess.” Isak is looking almost fondly towards his roommates.

Even has been nursing a light buzz from the beer for the past few hours, but watching Isak has him dizzy in a whole new way. “I think you’re nice, actually. Not cruel.”

Isak raises his eyebrows. “You do.”

“Like, you may be a little mean. But you’re nice to people once they reach a certain friendship level.”

“Friendship level?”

“Yeah, like I would have to do x-amount of things that please Isak and I’ll level up. Until I get to a certain clearance level and then you’ll be nice to me.”

“Really? So what level do you think you’re at?”

“Me? No, I’ve bypassed the whole structure.”

“Why do you get to do that?”

“Well you’re already nice to me, because I’ve hacked the security system.”

“You’ve hacked it? How?”

“Well I can’t tell you that, all I can say is that I’m pretty sure I’m at full security clearance. You have to be nice to me now.”

Isak just stares at him, dumfounded.

“Am I wrong?”

“No,” Isak answers, shaking his head. “No, you’re not wrong.”

Even turns back to the scene at hand. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Isak looking at him still, with a small smile. His side feels warm where they’re pressed close, despite the fact that there’s plenty of room on the couch now that everyone else has migrated to the floor. 

Even can’t quite name the thoughts running through his head. He feels significant in this room, with these people yelling at each other, with this boy resting against him, watching. 

He realizes he’s happy that he’s existing right now. That he can be seen and heard and felt. There are times when he wonders, if maybe he’s turned into a living ghost, just barely keeping up the task of surviving, so he won’t upset his family and friends if he just disappeared altogether. 

The thought is sad, and Even tries to banish it as soon as it enters his mind. This is a happy room, full of life and beer and very strong opinions on takeout cuisine.

“What are you thinking?” Isak asks quietly. His face is open. Not scrunched up in thought or anger, just open. Waiting to hear what’s on Even’s mind, to take it in without judgement.

Even thinks someday soon he’d like to tell him. But for now he grins and simply says, “I’m thinking we should make a run for it. Get the food before anyone realizes we’re gone.”

Isak grins back. “I guess we could try being nice. We could get enough for everyone and bring it back?”

“I like that. Will they be mad that we picked something else?”

“It’s almost 21, they’ll eat whatever we put in front of them.” Isak says with a shrug. He stands up. “Even and I are hungry so we’re going to grab kebabs. Text us if you want anything.”

Everyone quiets down, and Isak helps Even up off the couch, keeping their hands clasped firmly as he pulls him through the apartment door and out into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also shoutout to wtfock for having belgian evak bonding in a grocery store. they know what's up
> 
> ps thank you again for reading. i'm having so much fun writing this shit and it's even more fun knowing there are people taking the time to read it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Even jolts awake sometime after 11. He’d been home before midnight last night, but the excitement of the whole day wiped him out.

He reaches for his phone to see a good morning text from his mom, with a list of errands she needs run, and one from Isak.

Even sits up quickly. They’d exchanged numbers last night before he left, and the whole way home he had debated how he would start the texting conversation now that he’d been given the opportunity.

It had not occurred to him that Isak would text first. Even takes 3 deep breaths, counting 5 seconds to calm himself down. Opens the conversation.

_Isak Valtersen: Wanted you to know I had a pop quiz in one of my classes this morning. Was not prepared -_-_

Even hops down from his bed. Heads into the bathroom and stares at himself for a few minutes. Three times he attempts to write out a response. Nothing sounds good enough. It’s too eager, too apologetic, too suggestive. 

Does Isak want to start a conversation? Or is this simply a funny anecdote that Even doesn’t need to respond to? But what if he doesn’t respond, and then Isak is offended, and any potential friendship is ruined before it could even begin?

He leaves it for now. He can’t deal with this, is what he tells himself. Even feels so proud for just getting through all of yesterday, as fun as it was. He thinks he’s earned a little break from real human interaction.

After they returned with the food, Even had spent a lot of time talking with Eskild and Noora. Isak stayed by him the rest of the night, even if they weren’t in the same conversation.

But Even had held his own, learning about Eskild’s work at the bar that they frequent and Noora’s stressful internship. He’d like to think he made a good impression, especially since Eskild had begged him not to be a stranger as he finally got himself out the door.

He wants to text Isak back. He wants to solidify the success of last night, but he’s out of practice when it comes to being a normal and social young person. He needs to work on his tolerance.

So Even gives himself the day. Tells himself he has too much on his plate, with errands for his mom, and that book he’s been meaning to finish, and that summer class application he’d mean meaning to do, and the laundry, and- and once he’s done all that, then he’ll think about responding.

He runs the errands and even throws his laundry in the washer before he loses steam. So, more productive than a typical day off. He gets as far as going to the university website to remind himself that he needs to sign up for a class by the end of next month. He gets exhausted at the thought, so he quickly closes the page and collapses onto the couch.

The message is still there, waiting for him. He imagines Isak sending it this morning, flustered after class, but still in a good enough mood to text. Even wants to see him. Wants to hear about his day, about what he’s up to.

There’s only one way to make that happen.

_Even: sorry!! Hope you won’t fail your class! If it makes you feel better yesterday was fun at least lol_

Isak, the saint, replies within minutes. Even doesn’t even have the time to work himself into a panic.

_Isak: it does actually, thank you. Are you working tomorrow?_

_Even: yep. You?_

_Isak: noice. Me too. Also did everyone pay you back for food last night? If anyone didn’t lmk and I’ll hunt them down_

_Even: no they all got me. Good to know I have a bounty hunter on call though. Will be taking advantage of that_

_Isak: I would be so good at that. I’m an amazing bullshit detector_

Even feels giddy. The conversation is stupid, just surface level jokes and memes, but it leaves Even in the clouds. He doesn’t hear his parents come home from work a few hours later, only looking up when his mom questions what he’s smiling at on his phone. 

\-----

After that, they text almost daily. Their shifts don’t always align at the store, but now that Even has direct access, he doesn’t feel so desperate if he doesn’t see Isak at work some days.

Now he can just text him instead, occasionally ask if he wants to hang out. They mostly do things as a group, Even getting folded in nicely to the “squad”, as Magnus likes to call it.

He was worried about infiltrating what seemed like such a tight-knit group, but Even soon realized, as with most things, not everything is as scary as it seems once you’re up close. They all have different friends from their various university classes, as well as roommates or girlfriends. They move in varying groups, much like Even has all his life. Once he allows himself to be open, to stop rejecting invitations to hang out, Even finds that he fits in pretty well.

Even desperately wants to be closer to Isak at all times, but he can’t help but enjoy the times he spends with everyone as a group. He knows Elias would be disappointed at his lack of romantic progress, but Even doesn’t see it as a failure. 

Every time he goes out to a bar with the boys, every time he gets to see Isak in his element, laughing, ribbing, leaning into Even as they shoot the shit, he feels like he’s witnessing something absolutely precious. Something that maybe he would’ve missed if he didn’t take this chance to make some new friends.

Even tries to stay chill, but he does start talking to the guys more. About Isak, about everything. Elias ropes him into the groupchat with constant questions about his lovelife, and after that he finds himself replying more and more. He makes an effort to see Yousef as much as they both can with their schedules. It’s almost like Even is a real functioning human being.

Work still sucks, but now that he and Jonas know each other better, their conversations run smoothly throughout their shifts. Even feels a calm that he hasn’t felt in quite some time. 

He has some new friends and is closer with old ones. Therapy is going well, even when some sessions are painful. He’s getting along with his parents, even if all three of them are only able to sit down for a meal once a week with mismatched schedules. His meds are stable. His future is—he’s not thinking about it right now. 

And there’s a boy. A boy that texts him, and smiles at him, and maneuvers around the table when they’re at a restaurant or bar, just to squeeze in next to Even. 

He feels like they’re headed somewhere inevitable, but neither he nor Isak address it. Their conversations just get longer, and their smiles get bigger each time they see each other, and Even stays later and later at Isak’s apartment, sometimes hours past when everyone else leaves.

It’s like nothing and everything are happening all at once. There are a few moments, when it gets late at Isak’s, or when they meet at the KB nearby work to walk in together before an opening shift, where Even feels like they’re on the edge. Where they’re in sync, and Even has a feeling that if he were to move in close, Isak would do the same, and they’d meet in the middle.

But the moment is never right. Even is a little too tired after a night at the bar, or Isak is a little too grumpy in the early mornings. And despite not being a film student anymore, Even is still waiting for a perfect shot. 

A moment where they’ll come together in perfect harmony, and then all the world will be right and the credits will play. Even knows he’s not ready for that. Not ready to jump into the unknown. Or more accurately, not ready to let Isak jump into his life unprepared. The problem is that Even doesn’t know when he’ll feel ready for any of it.

But for now it doesn’t matter, because when they talk, when they text or facetime, the stress falls away. And it’s just good.

\-----

Even is having a nice day at the grocery store. This morning a lady told him that he was “a very handsome and kind young man” and the interaction left him with a rare hope for humanity. That plus the fact that Isak made himself late for work just so he could spend a few minutes catching up with Even, has him smiling more than usual today.

The store is endlessly busy, as everyone has just finished work and is now flocking to the supermarket. Even doesn’t mind just being stuck on a register all day. He’s in a rhythm, bopping along to an ABBA song stuck in his head as he rings up order after order.

By sunset the sky has opened up, and Even is soothed by the pounding rain hitting the big front windows. He loves being inside during a big storm like this.

He’s not as excited however, when the escalators break down. His manager Jakob pulls him off register saying that the machinery could be damaged by flooding. He hands him a huge binder with the request to “fix it.”

“I’ve never fixed an escalator,” He starts, but Jakob’s already walked away, an angry customer trailing behind him asking why he got rained on his walk to the store. Even runs downstairs before someone else can accost him with answers he doesn’t have.

There doesn’t seem to be any water that has reached the bottom of the escalators yet, but Even sits down on the ground and tries to make sense of the engineering of an escalator.

He reads enough of the instruction manual to figure out how to open the control panel at the bottom, but he soon realizes he’ll need some tools if he wants to actually open up the stairs themselves and see what the problem is.

At that moment, in walks Isak, his saving grace, complete with a toolbox. Even briefly entertains a cheesy fantasy of Isak the handyman coming to fix his “leaky pipe.”

“Need a hand?” Isak asks, not knowing where Even’s mind is going right now.

“Yes, please.” Even shakes himself, remembering he’s still at work. “You’re smart, how do I open this up?” He asks, gesturing to the stairs.

Isak kneels down on the ground beside him. “I’m no engineer.”

“Eh, science. It’s all the same thing.”

Isak laughs. “Let’s see if we can figure it out together.” Even likes the sound of that.

They pour over the binder, shoulder to shoulder, attempting to translate escalator jargon. “My manager thinks maybe the machinery is flooded.” Even wonders.

“I’m not sure, the water really isn’t that high today. It only flooded a little bit of the parking lot.”

Even agrees. “Maybe something got jammed?”

After some trial and error, they’re able to pry off one of the steps. As soon as they open it up, Even spots something stuck in the gears.

“Is that a pair of pants?” Isak asks, dumbfounded.

Even looks closer. It is, indeed, a pair of bright yellow sweatpants. “What the fuck?”

“How did that happen? They’re literally inside the escalator.”

“More importantly, what is that person wearing now?” 

They both start cracking up at the thought. Even is constantly amazed by the absurdity of this place. He reaches in to grab them, but Isak stops him.

“Don’t stick your hand in there!”

“Why not?”

Isak glares at him, pointing to the very clearly drawn picture in the binder that indicates sticking body parts in the escalator could lead to a bloody end.

Even rolls his eyes. “I want those pants. Besides, if I get hurt then maybe I can sue the company for a shit ton of money. Low level employees are definitely not supposed to be doing this kind of stuff.”

Isak nods, seeming to consider Even’s logic. With that, Even reaches in quickly and yanks them out. The pants are covered in black escalator grease, but other than that they’re in good condition.

“I think these are my size.”

Isak scoffs. “You’re joking.”

“I mean I should definitely wash them, but still—free pants.” Even says with a smile, but he’s not even joking. They are kind of soft.

Isak just giggles as they place the step back onto the escalator. Once everything is put back, they use the control panel to get it started again, giving a little cheer when the stairs start moving as normal again. Even’s manager appears then from the elevator, frazzled as usual. Isak quickly switches them off before Jakob notices. “Is it fixed?”

Even nods, starting to speak, but Isak puts his hand on his arm, stopping him.

“There’s an issue with the inlet guard. It’s jammed up in the sprocket.” Isak says, looking grave. “And the balustrade is shaky.”

Jakob looks horrified. “What does that mean? Do I have to call a repairman?”

Isak shakes his head, all fake confident. “It’ll take awhile, but I think Even and I will be able to get it done. Right, Ev?” He turns then, giving him a small wink.

“We got it.”

Jakob nods, looking slightly relieved. “Just take all the time you need. We really don’t have the money to call in the escalator repairman right now.”

Even nods. “We’ve got you, Jakob. It’ll be fixed by the time we leave.”

Jakob’s walkie talkie interrupts them, and he starts running back towards the elevator. “You guys are the best! Thank you.”

Isak sighs once they’re alone again. “Poor guy. So stressed.”

Even just cackles, moving to sit crosslegged on the floor. “You’ll do anything to get out of work, won’t you?”

Isak grins. “I’m a genius when it comes to pretending to be busy here.”

“What should we do with all our free time?”

“Want to help me?” Isak asks, pulling a crossword puzzle out of his apron pocket. “I was hiding in the back of the dairy fridge doing it earlier.”

“Isn’t it cold in there?”

Isak just shrugs. “Like you said, I like getting out of work. More fun when I get to do it with you though.” He adds softly. Even wants to die.

They settle in next to each other again, this time arguing about the name of the husband of the first female prime minister of Norway. Even is convinced that it’s Fredo or Frodo something, but Isak won’t write it down. He pulls out his phone to confirm, but Isak is indignant.

“You can’t use Google for crosswords, Even. Everybody knows that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s cheating.” Isak sputters.

“Cheating? The makers of crossword won’t know.”

“But you’ll know! It feels better when you finally get an answer after hours of thinking about it.”

“Fine, nerd. We’ll play by your made up rules.” Even smiles as Isak nods, satisfied, but still clearly flustered by Even’s attempt to shake things up. Isak puts a star next to the hint, and moves onto another one. He feels so privileged that now he can watch up close the scope of Isak’s personality.

He looks at his phone to see a message from his dad. Even laughs when he sees it’s a link for some comedian’s stand up routine they had been trying to remember over dinner last night. He replies quickly, and looks up to see Isak watching him.

“My dad.” Even says, waving his phone before putting it back in his pocket. Isak just nods, looking a little more solemn now. “How are—how is your family?”

They haven’t talked much about Isak’s home life, but Even has gotten the sense that there’s tension there, through Isak’s vague statements and comments from Jonas and Eskild in the past.

Isak just shrugs. “Things are pretty good right now. But it’s not—it’s not always like that.”

Even purses his lips, trying to find the words. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“My parents both have a lot of stuff.” Isak stares at him, as if debating whether or not to keep going. Even just waits, hoping to be a shoulder to lean on, if necessary. “My mom has issues, like mentally. Schizophrenia. And my dad has kind of always been one foot out the door, so. When it gets bad for my mom, then it gets bad for him. And I’m always just trying to stay somewhere in the middle.”

“That can be a lot, to be in that position.”

“It was worse in high school. Now that she’s diagnosed and getting help, it’s been better. And my dad has come around, but he can still be really callous about that type of stuff.”

Even just nods. He’s come across people like that. “But you’re, okay? And your mom?” He’s not quite sure what he’s asking, but Isak seems to understand.

“It took awhile for everything to settle. It was good for me to live in the kollektiv when I did, though. But I did spend a lot of time being embarrassed and scared about everything at home.”

“And now?”

“It’s not always the easiest, but I don’t know. They’re still my parents, and I just love them. And when my mom is feeling good, and my dad is there more, then it can be nice.” Isak groans, smiling to break the tension. “I know it’s still kind of fucked, but I can live with it.”

Even bumps his shoulder against Isak’s. “I’m glad you told me. Or—I don’t know, felt like you could talk. To me. And it’s good you’ve made your own stable living space.”

Isak gives him a shy smile. “You’re good to talk to, I guess. Sometimes I feel guilty for not living with my parents, but I think it would be too much. That’s why I’m working here, actually. I feel like if I’m paying for as much of my life as I can, then I can be independent. And even if things get frustrating with my dad, I don’t have to worry about him not sending me money or any of that.”

Even blanches. “Would he do that?”

“No, not actually. But it just was such a point of stress for me when I was younger, so now it’s just easier if I do it myself as much as I can. Even if it means working at this shithole.”

“I get that. I mean, I still live with my parents, but I try to act like a contributing member of the household.”

Isak laughs. “By that you mean you buy the groceries sometimes?”

“Yes. Hey, sometimes I’ll even vacuum the living room.”

Isak gets serious again. “I hope, I don’t know. I hope that stuff doesn’t weird you out.”

Even raises his eyebrows. “Me?” Sometimes he forgets people don’t know his life story, can’t see his insecurities running like headlines across his forehead, the way they feel to be. “Isak. No. It’s—that would never weird me out.” He wants to say so much more, but for now they both smile softly, and return to the crossword. 

At one point Even leans over Isak’s shoulder to point out an answer, and then he just stays there, once he sees Isak attempt to hold back a grin. It’s one of the best shifts he’s ever had.

\-----

It’s the end of May, almost two months into this stage of Even’s life where he’s actually communicating with people again, and Isak steps into his register line. It’s a slow day, which means a fun day for Even.

He’s currently dealing with a very demanding customer. She’s decided she doesn’t want to bag, but instead watch as Even rings up her groceries and then critique him as he places the items into the bags. In her mind, eggs should go on the bottom, and putting the fish next to her dairy is a fireable offense.

Any other day, Even would be imagining all the ways he could say “fuck you” politely once this interaction is over, but instead he can only think about Isak. Isak, who is standing behind her, trying desperately not to cry from laughter. Even is on the verge of losing it himself, but he manages to hold it together until she walks away with her meticulously packed bags of groceries.

“Wow.” Isak says as he walks up. “Just wow.” Luckily there is no one waiting behind him, so Even has a nice reprieve.

“Welcome to my world.”

“Your patience with people actually amazes me.”

“Yeah, well. I’m just better than you, I guess.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck off? This is my register! I have to call the manager if you’re going to talk to me like that.”

“You won’t do it.”

“No?” Even spots Isak’s manager walking by. “How about I call him over then?” He raises his hand, laughing, but Isak grabs it and brings it back down.

“Don’t you fucking dare. You know he hates me already.” Even does know. Isak has a bad habit of sleeping in late after nights out, and his manager is apparently very strict about absences.

Isak lets go of his wrist to drop his bag of chips on the conveyer belt. Even realizes then, that before he and Isak became friends, he’d never seen him buy a single thing from the store.

“I never used to see you buying things here.” Even says, teasing slightly.

“Oh so you used to watch me? Stalker.” Isak retorts, face slightly red.

“I did. I would think, why would a store so concerned with hospitality hire a total ass?”

“Careful.” Isak warns. “No, honestly, I’m no Jonas, but. They have really bad practices when it comes to waste and being environmentally conscious, so.”

“Really? Wow, I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, like there were a couple articles last year about how their one of their facilities near Stavanger always uses cheaper options for shipping and packaging, and it almost always ends up being worse environmentally. So I try to get most of my food at other stores.”

Even just nods, surprised. “So you really are trying to bring them down from the inside.”

“Yep, that’s why I’m always skipping out on work. It’s because I care so much.”

“Well now I feel bad for always supporting this chain.”

Isak shrugs. “They pay better than other groceries though.”

“Thanks for the tip.” Even says. He hates to boil down Isak’s passion about the earth into something so shallow, but he does have to admit that it’s really hot when a guy cares about the environment. “Would you ever try working somewhere else?”

Isak groans. “One of my professors offered me a research position for the summer.”

“That’s amazing! Will you take it?”

“Probably not. He gave me a few weeks to decide, but I need the money.” Even frowns. He hates the thought of Isak stuck here because of financial reasons, when he could be out saving the world.

“And you won’t get paid?”

“I would, but not nearly as much.” Even has to restrain himself from doing something stupid, like offering to help Isak out with rent or something. They’re not really there—yet.

“Well, you still have time to consider your options. It’s like, money versus doing something worthwhile that you actually care about, that will probably help make the world a better place.” Even says, making Isak laugh. “I hate this world sometimes.”

“Me too.” Isak looks down. “But if I stayed here, we would be able to hang out more.”

“Yeah, but at this point we would just hang out anyways. And we wouldn’t get interrupted by customers asking us to do our jobs.”

Isak lights up. “We would?”

“Of course. You can’t get rid of me now. Thought we clarified that.”

“Right. I guess I just needed a reminder.”

They smile at each other for a moment. Isak opens his mouth to speak, but is cut short by a customer heaving a disturbingly large bag of potatoes onto the register.

Even has to keep from rolling his eyes. Isak moves to the side, but as the customer continues to place various items on the belt he speaks up again.

“Are you around Saturday night?”

“Think so, why?”

“Eva’s having a party at her apartment.”

“Oh, nice.”

“Want to go?”

“I do have work at 8 on Sunday.”

“Same. We could be the chill sober people?” Isak looks so hopeful, leaning over at the end of the counter.

Even sighs. Knowing Isak, he might just get drunk anyways and call out sick from work. And Even has been trying to get better about getting a good night’s sleep, but Isak’s eyes are wide, begging. “Could be fun.”

Isak grins. “It will be.” He says it like a promise.

\-----

It’s 21:00. Even has to leave within thirty minutes if he wants to get there at a reasonably late time. Isak said he’d be at Eva’s by 21:30, so this way Even knows someone familiar will be there. He’s pretty sure Isak had already broken their sober agreement, based on the increasingly incoherent texts Even has been receiving.

Even can’t find himself to be upset, because he’s on the edge of doing a few shots right now himself.

He’s sitting on the floor of his room. He’s trying to calm his breathing, but he’s not sure it’s working. On his computer sits the university website, reminding him that the application for summer classes is due at midnight. Reminding him that he doesn’t have anything to submit. No essay, no updated resumé, nothing. Reminding him that every time he remembered the due date, he promptly ignored his brain and told himself he was too busy. Reminding him that he’s fucked up his future again. Reminding him that he’s a fucking idiot. That he’s a piece of shit who can never learn, never get it right, no matter how many opportunities he’s given.

He startles at the sound of a text notification.

_Yousef: You going to Eva’s party tonight? I’m going with Sana!_

_Even: yes._

_Yousef: Yesss see you there_

Even is numb. In a flash he’s in the bathroom, staring at his reflection. He’d even done his hair a little, but it’s a mess now. He’d been pulling at it in a fit of panic while reading through the website.

He can’t go to this stupid party. He can’t see these people, with their lives figured out, with their solidified friend groups, with their- he just can’t see anyone.

But he can’t sit here either. He knows he’s not going to write the fucking essay anyways, but he has this fear that if he walks into a room full of people, he’ll start screaming or crying or just wear his failures on his sleeve, and everyone will shame him for it. For not following through, just once in his life.

What Even would really like to do is climb to the top of a mountain, and stand at the edge of the world, and yell until the cold turns him into a human popsicle. But he can’t do that. So he settles for the next best thing, which seems to be getting wasted. And he knows where to find free booze.

He composes himself. Practices smiling a few times in the mirror, just to make sure it doesn’t look completely unhinged. Reminds himself that he’s been so good, barely drinking or smoking. That one night won’t wreck his progress. That having a shitty day doesn’t mean mania or depression or a path to something even darker. 

It just means he wants to forget about his sad little life for a few hours. He redoes his hair, and throws on an acceptable flannel-over-t-shirt party outfit.

\-----

The party is in full swing when he arrives at the address Jonas texted him this morning. Eva’s apartment is not very nice, but it’s reasonably sized. She’d mentioned to Even that she was living with a few people from her dance studio, or something. 

Even had been distracted by Isak talking in his ear at the time, his chest pressed slightly against Even’s shoulder, telling him how much he had liked some Spotify playlist Even had spent a ridiculous amount of time curating.

Even would usually search the rooms for a familiar face, but tonight the only thing he wants to see is whatever shitty vodka Eva has provided. The place is packed, and Even has to push his way through bodies to get to the kitchen, where he finds a bottle he decides has been waiting for him.

He takes a shot. It does not go down easy. The second almost makes him gag, consider his terrible life choices. Before he can get to a third he spots Yousef and Sana walking through the doorway.

“Even!” Yousef yells over the noise. They make their way to his slightly more quiet corner and pull him in for a hug.

“Good to see you guys! How are you?” At least he doesn’t have to fake much of a smile with them.

“Came from a dinner with my boss for this summer. Glad to be out of there.” Sana answers with a grin.

“Did it not go well?”

“No, it did.” Yousef replies. “She was just a little…”

“Boring as fuck, honestly.” Sana says bluntly. “But the work itself is interesting, and I’ll get good recommendations.”

“Well cheers to that!” Even hands them the lemonade he just poured for three of them. His is about two-thirds vodka though.

“My mom was asking about you, Even.” Sana says with a conspiratorial grin. “She wants to know how you’re doing.”

“Me? I’m doing good! Still working, still hanging out with this idiot,” he nudges Yousef, “as I’m sure you know.”

“She misses you.”

Yousef laughs. “Mine said the same thing! Jesus, Even. I swear you’re like the ultimate charmer of parents.”

Even shrugs, taking a gulp of his drink. “Tell them I miss them too. I’ll have to make an appearance some time soon.”

Yousef gets distracted by a familiar face, and Even and Sana get a chance to talk. He asks about university, her classes. She asks about work, and if Elias is really doing as well as he says he is. 

“I hear we have a few more friends in common now.” She says.

“Yeah I guess we do.” Even replies, trying to keep his tone indifferent. “They’re some cool guys.”

Sana nods slowly. “Isak is great. Good study buddy.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that he mooches off of you.”

Sana tilts her head back in laughter. “Sometimes. Sometimes he actually contributes, though.”

“That’s good.”

She stares at him for a moment as if assessing. He doesn’t know what it means, but he keeps drinking. “We don’t hang out as much as we did in high school, with our schedules and everything.”

Even nods towards Yousef. “I know how that goes.”

“But,” she starts, “we still talk a lot. With each other.” Even pauses mid-sip. “We sort of promised each other to check in, because we’re not so good at sharing with people that are closer to us. If that makes sense.”

“That’s… smart.” He finishes up his glass, and pours another. This time about ¾ vodka.

Sana rolls her eyes fondly. “Anyways. I think he’s glad you guys have gotten close.”

“I am too.”

“Good.” She’s still staring at him with that piercing look, as if she’s trying to suss out some secret that Even is hiding.

“It is good.” Even takes a moment to finish his drink. He watches Yousef for a moment. He guesses he hasn’t told her about Even’s favorite topic of conversation for the last few months. Even may still feel like a piece of shit, but at least he’s a piece of shit with good friends. “You know what I think?”

“What do you think, Even?” Sana asks.

He’s quiet for a moment while he pours yet another drink. He’s certainly feeling the alcohol, not sure how many he’s had, but he’s not quite where he wants to be yet. “I think Isak is amazing.”

“Do you?”

“I like him.” Sana raises her eyebrows. “Like, I have a crush on him. I want to go on a date with him, or kiss him, or something.”

“Can I ask why you’re telling me?”

“I don’t know. Everyone cool in my life goes to you for advice, so maybe I should too.”

Sana laughs. Yousef looks over at the sound, and immediately comes back to her side. They give each other a look, like they don’t even need words to be on the same page.

Even wants that. Even wants someone to lean into him and look at him all fond. He wants Isak to do that. He wants Isak. Is Isak here yet? He pulls out his phone, smiling at the 3 texts waiting for him. 

They’re barely readable, Isak’s drunk spelling combined with Even’s increasingly blurry vision, but he manages to piece together that Isak has been here for quite some time, and wants to know when the fuck Even will arrive.

Even replies _kitchen_ after a shit ton of effort.

“Even.” Sana says, waving a hand in his face.

“Hm?”

“I was saying, that’s a good thing.”

“What’s a good thing?” Even’s distracted by pouring himself another drink and a potentially incoming Isak.

“That you—hey!” Sana stops to greet the newcomers.

Even turns to see Isak and Magnus enter from what looks to be the living room. Isak quickly slides between Even and Sana after saying hi.

“Hope you two aren’t talking about me.”

“We were, actually.” Even replies.

“Just bonding over how annoying your grumpiness is.” Sana adds.

Isak shakes his head with a giggle. “Even wouldn’t say that about me.”

“I wouldn’t?”

“No.” He looks at the straight alcohol in Even’s hands. “Guess we both broke the rule, huh? Sorry about that.”

Even just shakes his head. Doesn’t want to think about why he’s drinking, or the fact that he has to go to work in about 9 hours. “Do a shot with me?”

He pours one before Isak can answer. If Isak doesn’t want it then more for him, anyways. Isak takes it without question, but tilts his head as he watches Even down his drink.

“You good?” Isak asks.

Even takes a breath, and nods. He is good. He’s good now that he’s feeling the alcohol, now that he’s not thinking about – fuck. He’s thinking about it again. About how in less than two hours he will have officially put a wrench in his future plans, again. And he did nothing to help himself. He reaches for the bottle, but Isak’s hand gets there first.

“How many have you had?”

“I don’t know, three drinks, maybe?”

“Maybe we should both take a break.”

Even is a little annoyed. He wasn’t the one that started drinking first, why should he have to stop? “No, I think I’ll have another. You can stop, though.” He winces internally at his fake polite voice, usually reserved for customers. Isak seems to sense it too, his hand dropping from the bottle.

Even hates being monitored. He’s been through it before. He knows Isak is right, and doesn’t mean anything by it, but all he’s done lately is check himself, hold back, and look where that got him. Still going fucking nowhere.

But Isak is looking at the floor now, not engaging in the conversation around them. Even wants to apologize, wants to explain that the only person he’s mad at is himself. But he doesn’t know how to do that without getting into – well, everything. And that’s certainly not a conversation you have while drunk. He goes to the fridge instead, and pulls out two beers, handing one to Isak.

“This will be our last one.”

Isak smiles a little, and they turn back to the conversation where Magnus is trying to convince Yousef and Sana to watch some new show he’s obsessed with.

Even soon follows Isak and Magnus back into the living room to greet Mahdi and a few friends from UiO. He hangs back, just to polish off one more shot once everyone else is out the door.

He drifts in and out of conversations, realizing after a few minutes that he’s more drunk than he’s been since university. The reminder makes him go dark again, until Eva finds him and drags him to his feet to dance for a few songs.

Jonas reluctantly comes too, and soon they find themselves starting a makeshift dancefloor in the corner of the living room. Even is right in the middle of it, just jumping around, when his eyes catch Isak’s. He looks melted into the sofa, but his eyes arm sharp, not pulling away from Even.

By the time he steps away, he’s stumbling back towards the couch. He sits on the arm, right next to where Isak is squeezed in at the end, clearly cross-faded.

Even is drunk, he reminds himself, which is why he has no reservations on contorting himself so that he can rest his head on top of Isak’s. Luckily Isak doesn’t seem to mind, looking up at him fondly.

“Have fun dancing?” He asks.

Even giggles. “Always. Why didn’t you join in?”

Isak is silent for a second as they watch the crowd grow on the dancefloor. “Not my thing. Besides, it’s fun just people-watching sometimes.”

“That’s true. So how did I look?” 

Isak leans to the side so he can look at Even. His eyes are lidded, but he bites his lip before he speaks. “You’re a good dancer.”

Even pushes him in jest, leaving his hand resting on Isak’s shoulder after. “Don’t lie.”

Isak tilts his head. “Well, you make bad dancing look good.”

Even sighs. He’s practically plastered against Isak’s side now. Isak is just wearing a black t-shirt, but the way it’s cuffed at the sleeves makes his arms look mouthwatering. He’s wearing skinny jeans too, and from this close Even can see the denim pulled tight against his thighs.

Isak coughs. Even looks up to see Isak watching him, eyes dark again. He gets the sense that they’re on exactly the same page.

“How about we go outside? Maybe smoke?” Isak is doing that thing, where he looks up at Even through his eyelashes while he asks him something. And Even can’t deny him anything.

“Let’s go.”

He leads the way back through the apartment the way he came in, not even pausing to wave goodbye as Yousef asks where they’re going. Sana winks at Even, however, when she tells her boyfriend to leave it alone.

\-----

They head out the back door of the complex, around to lean on the side of the building, right next to a hedge. There are a few partygoers milling around out front, but here they’re pretty secluded.

Isak produces a joint from his pocket and lights up. Even pauses for a moment, remembering that this combined with alcohol will make for a hellish day at work tomorrow. 

But then Isak exhales and tilts his head up to look at the sky, exposing his neck. And Even wants to bite it. 

God, he’s drunk. His fingers reach for the joint before his brain can react, plucking it out of Isak’s fingers.

He turns and looks up as well as he takes a drag, knowing Isak is watching him from the corner of his eye. Even may not be as confident as he used to be when it comes to these things, but he knows he looks good when he’s smoking.

They’re silent for a few minutes, enjoying the set in of the high. Even is being hit full force with waves of intoxication at this point. He may have overdone it tonight.

They witness a group walk out the back of the building, two of them holding up a girl who’s crying about some asshole.

“Does Eva know all these people? It was kind of crazy up there.”

“She could. She’s pretty social. Jonas says her roommates go out like, all the time. And always to expensive clubs and stuff.”

“Damn.”

“I don’t know where they would find the money. Like how do they keep paying for alcohol and clean up and everything that goes into a night out? I’d rather just get drunk at home and then go out and not pay for drinks.”

Even laughs. “Not everyone is as lowkey as you, I guess.”

“You can still have a good time and not break the bank.”

“So you’re saying you love cheap thrills?”

“What?”

“That Sia song? You know, ‘I love cheap thrills!’” Even tries to copy the voice from the song.

Isak just rolls his eyes. “Of course you listen to Sia.”

“I don’t even listen to her, I just happen to know that it’s a very popular song.”

“So you listen to pop?”

“First off, you’re clearly twisting my words. Second, we’ve been over this. Of course I listen to pop.” Even steps close to grab the joint from Isak again.

“Well I think—"

“Want to shotgun?” Even interrupts. He has no idea where the words came from, but Even’s is past the point of holding himself accountable for his actions tonight.

Isak looks stunned. He shakes his head back and forth for a second, coming back online. “Sure.” He responds softly, Even barely hearing him over the sounds of the street around them.

Before he can think too much about what he’s doing, Even brings the joint to his lips. Isak’s eyes follow closely. He breathes in deeply, and holds. Without warning, he brings lips to Isak’s, free hand curling into his hair.

He parts his lips and lets the air out slowly as Isak breathes it in. Even keeps his eyes open for a beat, and it’s worth it to watch the way Isak’s eyelashes flutter with the intake of smoke.

When all his breath is gone, Even waits a moment, dreading having to pull back. Before he can, Isak steps right into his space and deepens the brush of lips into a proper kiss.

Isak is demanding at first, and Even finds himself backed up against the building wall, both hands now tangled in Isak’s curls. 

Even sighs into it, reveling in Isak’s height, how matched they are. He’s crossfaded as fuck, stumbling as he spins to press Isak into the wall, but all he can think about is the places where skin is touching skin, where Isak’s fingers are sliding under his shirt and stroking his back.

He kisses down Isak’s neck, stopping to focus on the spot that makes Isak whine a quiet “fuck” into his shoulder and jerk against his thigh.

They’re moving in rhythm now, Even’s leg pushing into where Isak stands wide. He doesn’t think he wants to get off here, but it’s so hot, and Isak is keeping his mind occupied as he chases his mouth to return to the kiss.

Isak is already so hard against him, and Even has to pull back just a bit. He has a sickening thought. What is happening right now? Is this a one-off? Is this really where they’ve had their first kiss? A dark alley, hidden from a trashy party? On a night when Even is so lost in his own shit?

“Ev?” Isak asks, mouth on Even’s, concerned when he doesn’t kiss him back.

Even takes a step back, keeping a hand resting gently on Isak’s clavicle.

“Sorry, just need a sec.”

Isak smiles, out of breath. He’s so beautiful, chest heaving and hair pushed in every direction. Even wants to say so many things. He feels like that shouldn’t have happened, and also like it was the best decision he’s ever made. Maybe the only good decision he’s ever made.

“Are you ok?” Isak whispers.

“I—” Even pauses. He can’t fucking think around this boy. Everything is getting to him all of the sudden. The shitty day he’s had, the drinks, the confusion of the moment. He wants to say, _“I’m so scared. I think I could love you. I wanted this to be special.” _

“Even?” Isak’s smile is gone. He looks worried.

Before he can reassure him, pull him back and lose himself in Isak again, nausea hits Even like a ton of bricks. He has to lean over with his hands on his knees. He turns towards the hedge, careful to keep away from any part of Isak, and promptly begins to throw up.

Once he starts, it’s like he can’t stop. He can feel Isak’s hand on his back, soothing him, but nothing helps.

There’s a brief reprieve, and Even looks up to see that Magnus has joined them. “Even! What the fuck, are you good?”

His mouth tastes like bile, tears streaming from his eyes. He knows he looks like a mess. “Just drank way too much.”

They both look so scared, and Even tries to smile, let them know he’s fine. He’s not really sure if he is.

“Do you want water?” Isak asks.

Even nods. “Please.”

“Mags, can you stay with him for a second? I’ll go get some.” Isak runs back into the apartment as Magnus helps Even stand up straight.

“Seems like the worst has passed.” Magnus says hopefully.

“I hope so.” And yet Even somehow feels even shittier than he did before. Now that his head has cleared somewhat, the events of a few minutes prior hit him hard. Of fucking course he vomited right after having his first kiss with Isak. Of fucking course Isak feels like he has to care for him now, has to babysit him.

All Even wants is to be away from here. He needs his bed, wants to retreat into his den of blankets and pretend this shitshow of a day never happened.

“Magnus!” A girl appears around the corner, looking frantic. “There you are. Vilde’s really drunk and fell and cut her leg upstairs.”

Magnus grimaces. “My ex,” he informs Even. “Is she okay?”

“The cut isn’t that bad but she keeps asking for you. Will you come?”

Magnus sighs. “I’m helping out my friend here, can you—”

“I’m fine now,” Even cuts in. “Go see her. Isak will be back in second.”

He looks torn. “Are you sure?”

Even nods, looking much more certain than he feels. Magnus breathes a sigh of relief as he follows the girl around the building. Even leans against the wall again, contemplating his choices.

It’s quiet now that Even is alone. 

He starts walking before he can consider where he’s going. Finds himself on a familiar road, heading back home. He has to stop a few times to throw up again, has to brace himself on streetlights until the nausea passes every few minutes, but he keeps walking.

The third time he has to stop, he thinks to check his phone.

_Isak: Did you go back inside?_

_Isak: Are you okay? Wya_

_Magnus: What the fuck where did you go_

Part of him debates just turning off notifications and refusing to deal with the guilt he’s feeling right now, but he forces himself to reply.

_Even: Sorry super tired so I left. Gotta get up for work_

_Isak: ok? Will you text me when you’re home_

And Even makes it there eventually. His parents are fast asleep, thank god, and he refuses to look at the time as he struggles to make it up into his bed.

_ Even: home _

He wonders if he should send another apology, or maybe a “I had fun tonight” but he passes out before he can decide.

He doesn’t go to work in the morning. Doesn’t get up at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me randomly adding angst/uncomfortable drunk situations into a fic that was supposed to be sweet and lowkey: lmao i'm so random can't believe i did that
> 
> ps if you were wondering, yes even's inner turmoil comes from the fact that i have what could be considered a future-altering essay due in 2 days that i've barely started. lmao i like my children to suffer with me. excuse me while i ruin my life


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um. i was thinking the entire fic would be around 7k because i've never written anything longer than that in my life. here we are. 
> 
> aslkjfd the pacing of this fic has been so ludicrous, but i think that's just a reflection of me as a person
> 
> but truly thank you for reading and commenting and kudos-ing. it's so kind. i hope you enjoy this last part

Even emerges from his den of blankets sometime in the afternoon. He hasn’t been asleep for hours, but he needed time to just lay in his bed and think of nothing.

He’d woken up in his clothes from the night before, as the events came flooding back into his mind. He finally makes it into the shower and puts on pajamas, feeling vaguely human as he leaves his bedroom.

His parents are puttering around the kitchen when he walks in. “Even? I thought you had work today?” His dad asks.

“I wasn’t feeling well, so I called out.” He actually forgot to call at all, but he figures he has a good enough record that he won’t get in too much trouble.

Even’s mom rushes to his side, placing her hand on his forehead. “You don’t seem to have a fever, is your stomach upset?”

When he doesn’t answer right away, his mom gets serious. “Should I call Johanna?”

Even rolls his eyes. “I said I’m sick, mom. I don’t need my therapist.”

“Well actually, you just said you’re not feeling well. So your mom might feel justified in worrying.” His dad intervenes. He puts his hands up when Even glares at him.

“Well I just don’t feel good. I think I drank too much last night.”

“Even…” His mom starts. “You know you shouldn’t do that.”

He rarely gets frustrated with his parents, but he groans when he thinks of the lecture he might be about to receive. “And I never do! It was just last night. I’m not an idiot.”

“I didn’t say you were. I just want you to take care of yourself. And we know what happens if you aren’t paying attention to what your body needs.”

“But I am. So we don’t need to get into it.” He says harshly, hoping he can just make some toast in peace.

His father, never one for conflict, stands up. “Even, please. Stop being defensive.” He turns to Even’s mom then. “Liv, we’ve talked about this. He’s 22. He can drink if he wants. One night isn’t going to hurt him.”

Even bristles at the thought of them discussing his health, but he immediately feels like crap. This hangover is poisoning his brain. He hates making his parents sad. He’s done it far too many times already in his life. “Sorry, I’m just stressed.”

“Are you sure everything’s okay? I don’t want to pressure you, but we can make time to take you to some appointments this week if you need. Are you okay with your medication?”

Even stares at his mom. She gets like this, somedays. He knows it’s because he rarely tolerates conversations about his mental health, so she has to ask him everything at once. But he can never handle it. “I said I’m stressed, not manic.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see his dad, glaring at him slightly, clearly not wanting to get in between them in a confrontation. Even backs down, as best he can.

“But yeah. I checked in with my psychiatrist last month, and I’ve been feeling good. I’m still meeting with Johanna once a week. So I’ll see her on Tuesday.”

“And she doesn’t think you’re, you know, having an episode?” His mom asks, whispering out the last bit as if that will make it sound nicer.

Even tries to stay calm. “No. It’s stress. I just said that. Can’t I be upset and feel things and that’s it? It doesn’t always mean something worse.”

“No, no. I know.” His mom backtracks. “I just worry. That’s what I do.” She says with a slight smile.

He leans in to give her a half-hug. “I know.”

“What’s stressing you out?” His dad asks.

Even tenses. He’d mentioned a while ago that he was going to try starting classes again. His parents had been delighted, but they hadn’t pushed him since. Now he almost wishes they had.

“Nothing. Just, work stuff.” So much for keeping honest.

\-----

He retreats to his room after getting a bite to eat, thinking about what his mom said. He feels so groggy, but he’s not sure if it’s still the effect of alcohol.

Is he okay? He feels stretched so thin, all from pressure he’s put on himself. Why can’t he just take it off? He wants to believe what he told his parents. That he can read himself, that he can trust himself.

Even has been proud of how he’s been doing lately. Not just for engaging socially again, but for paying attention to his emotions, his needs, his health in general. Johanna has told him that she thinks he’s doing really well. So why did he do this? 

He wonders if sabotaging potentially good things in his life is just a part of his DNA. He wonders if he has any control at all. He thinks of Isak then, of his thoughts he’d shared with Even one night about the joy in not having free will, as anything can and will happen, somewhere, in some universe.

His spiraling train of thought fades, as he remembers the way Isak had looked last night, just before Even had ruined it all. Fuck. He was just standing there, open to anything Even had to offer him, and Even pulled trig all over the ground.

At least he didn’t get any on Isak. Or at least, he’s pretty sure he didn’t. The thought makes him climb into bed again and retrieve his phone, desperately hoping not to see any angry messages from Isak demanding payment for dry-cleaning.

_Isak: sooo I didn’t go to work this morning_

_Isak: but you probably knew that_

_Isak: or not idk. But how was it?_

Even grins fondly. He scrolls down to see new ones that came in just a few minutes ago.

_Isak: also last night was fun_

_Isak: we could hang out tonight? I need a study break_

Even falls back into his pillows. Isak has quintuple texted him. He feels out of his depth, but even he knows that’s got to be a sign that someone likes you.

_Even: haha I didn’t go either. Too fucked up. But I had a good time. _

_Even: Sorry can’t tonight :( family dinner_

Even groans, throwing his phone back into his covers. Of course things might be coming to a head with Isak right as he worries he might be falling apart. Right as he feels like he can barely handle himself, let alone caring for another person.

He grabs his computer, and starts up Netflix. He just needs some time, is what he tells himself. Some time to sort out his head, to figure out a new plan for the future that he can present to his parents.

\-----

Monday comes, and Even is debating if he should go to work or not. He has the perfect excuse of still being sick, so it wouldn’t be that weird. And if he doesn’t go, he doesn’t have to see anyone. Doesn’t have to learn if everyone knows what happened on Saturday, if they think he’s weird or an asshole or pathetic for not being able to handle his booze.

But he knows how these things go. Once upon a time in Trondheim, he’d told himself he could skip some classes, that he needed the rest. And then he’d skipped some more, and more, until he was too scared to leave his room, knowing he’d have to face his failures.

He gets out of bed before he can talk himself out of it, throwing on the nearest clean-ish clothes he can find. The fact that he’s showing up is enough; he doesn’t have the patience to try with his appearance today.

Work is shit, but he does it. He can’t muster up too many smiles for customers, and when one man yells at him about the fact that he can’t return an eaten container of hummus from a month ago, Even has to grip the counter with all his might to avoid saying all the things that pop into his mind.

Near the end of his shift, he spots Mahdi come through the doors, done with class for the day. Even breathes a sigh of relief as he just gets a nod and a quick high five as Mahdi walks by, no different than usual.

He clocks out soon after, both relieved he made it through the day and yet still on edge. He approaches Mahdi in the bread aisle, where he’s breaking into a new pallet of products.

“Hey.”

Mahdi looks up. “Even!” He responds with a grin. “Done for the day?”

Even nods. “How was, uh, the rest of Saturday.”

Mahdi gets distracted as he slices open a cardboard box. “Hm? Oh it was fine. A bunch of high schoolers showed up at the end though, and Eva’s roommates freaked and kicked everyone out. But we were ready to leave anyway.”

“Oh.”

“Magnus said you were pretty fucked up though. Glad you didn’t completely die.”

Even groans. “I went way too hard.”

“Yeah, kind of glad I missed that part. The way Magnus described it, I’m surprised you’re here today. Dude, sometimes it takes me like five days to recover if I go full blackout.”

“Full blackout? Shit, it really wasn’t that bad.” Even says, slightly relieved at how chill Mahdi is being. He needs to spend more time with him. “Magnus definitely exaggerated.”

“I should’ve guessed. But you’re still going out on Friday, right? I know I’ll need the break from studying. My econ class is killing me.”

“Friday?”

“Yeah, we don’t have any real plans yet, but we were talking about it in the groupchat.”

Even pulls out his phone, grimacing slightly. “Yeah, I haven’t been reading anything.”

He’d checked some messages last night, when he felt safe in bed, but he had still avoided anything that wasn’t family related. He supposes Yousef and the boys are used to it, Even going dark sometimes. But new friends would take it as disinterest, maybe even rejection. Isak might take it like that.

“It was kind of a crazy weekend.” He says, with an uneasy smile.

Mahdi stops stocking to look at him. Then he shrugs. “Shit happens. But if you’re feeling better, you should come out. I think Magnus and Isak want to apologize for ditching you.”

“I think I ditched them, more like.”

“Eh,” Mahdi says, turning away again. “You were fucked though. We’ve all been there, doing dumb shit or running away when we’re out of it.”

Even raises his eyebrows. “Really.”

Laughing as he falls back into a memory, Mahdi responds, “Shit. One time in high school we got drunk at Jonas’ cabin and I decided that I just had to have fries from McDonald’s. So I stole a bike and rode like thirty minutes to get them, but I didn’t tell anyone. The guys were so scared. Isak was straight up, like about to cry because they couldn’t find me.”

“Isak was?”

“Yeah, we had just been kind of pissy with each other. And when I came back he kept apologizing and telling me he didn’t mean it. I couldn’t even remember what he had said though, because the fries were too fucking good. But anyways. Been there.”

“Wow. You guys are weird.”

Mahdi laughs, responding with a jab. “True. So you fit in perfectly, then.”

“Thanks, Mahdi.” He says as he begins to walk away.

“Even.” When he turns back, Mahdi is wearing a slight frown. “I think you know I don’t really pay attention to that type of stuff. But…” He trails off, looking reluctantly to Even as if he really doesn’t want to bring up what he’s bringing up.

Even sighs. He doesn’t have to guess to hard. “Isak.”

Mahdi nods. “You could check in, just let him know what’s up. If that’s something you want.”

“I do.” Even replies quickly, unable to help how overeager he sounds.

“Well. Okay. Good. Because he gets all angry and uptight when he’s stressed about stuff.”

Even smiles, then, picturing an annoying Isak. To him it’s just endearing. “I’ll do that.”

\-----

He feels a little better when he wakes up on Tuesday. Before he went to bed last night, he’d sent off a quick message to Isak, explaining that he’d been really busy with stuff at home and he was sorry he hadn’t been responding.

Isak has yet to answer, but Even is refusing to let himself freak out. He figures he could use a taste of his own slow-to-respond medicine.

Even walks to therapy with an axe to grind. With himself, obviously. He’d poked around various websites, looking to see if it was possible to submit an application for a class past the deadline. The answer seemed to be a resounding no. 

Even was worried for a brief moment that the knowledge would break him, send him spiraling again. But instead it’s almost freeing: there’s no way he’s taking a university class this summer. Okay. Now it’s time to figure what to do instead.

The session is kind of hellish, as Even was worried it might be. She’s never really harsh with him, but Johanna does question him as to why he didn’t tell her about the deadline.

He doesn’t give much of an answer. He still has more he needs to share. He vents about his parents, their words about potentially having an episode. He brings up his friends, old and new. The party. Isak.

Even can’t get the words out fast enough, and when he’s done, he rests back on the couch, almost out of breath. Usually the appointments start slow, with Johanna coaxing him into talking until some deep realizations about himself come to light.

She doesn’t seem to mind the change of pace, almost smiling when he’s done talking. “So. A busy weekend, then.”

“You could say that.”

“Let’s get one thing out of the way.” She starts, waiting for him to nod before she continues. “The alcohol and weed. Obviously not your best moment.”

“No,” Even huffs out.

“But you already knew that. So unless you’re really worried that you might start depending on them for self-medication…” 

Even shakes his head emphatically.

“That’s what I thought. I know that’s something your mom has been concerned about in the past, but I don’t think you’re in that place anymore. I think you are well aware of what long-term use could do to you.”

“I definitely am.”

“Good!” Johanna says brightly. She does a little checkmark in the air with her finger. “One thing done! What’s next?”

Even settles, feeling a slight weight off his shoulders knowing that after three years of working together, Johanna understands the things his mom can’t. “The class, I guess. That’s kind of the reason for everything.”

She nods. “So. Will you tell your parents about what happened?”

“They’ll probably ask eventually.”

“But will you bring it up?”

Even shrugs.

“We’ve talked about your parents before, especially when you first came home. We know how they operate. And every time you have taken the first step, or you’re the one to bring up your health, or plans for the future, that has shown them that you’re progressing, and they lay off with the constant questions. Am I right?”

Even agrees, knowing how much things have improved between him and his parents since he’s been home. “But this time I fucked up.”

“In your eyes, maybe. Because it was a deadline that you set for yourself. But what if you told them something like, ‘hey mom and dad. I won’t be taking a class this summer. I don’t feel ready, but maybe I’ll start in the fall.’ Try bringing them into the loop this time. That’s so much better than them bringing it up out of the blue and learning that you didn’t do it.”

“But am I lying by saying I’m not ready?”

Johanna levels him with a look. “But let me ask you something: say the university called right now, and said ‘Even! You can still sign up! Just write the essay!’ Would you do it?”

Even opens his mouth to say ‘of course’, but he stops himself. Would he? He knew about this date for three months, and did nothing. “I’m not sure.”

Johanna nods, considering his answer. “I think you want to be ready. And that’s really great.”

“But not the same as actually doing anything about it.” Even sighs.

“Look, you know yourself. When you really want things, you tend to go after them. When it came to starting work, to coming out to your friends and family, you told me, and together we set up a plan. So why didn’t you tell me about the class? Why did you hesitate to go after it?”

“Maybe because school still scares the shit out of me.”

Johanna laughs. “I get that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. And we can work towards you getting back to school fulltime, if that’s something you’d like to pursue.”

“Do you think I’m going to have an episode?” Even asks suddenly.

“Do you think you are?”

Even rolls his eyes. He hates when she does this. “I mean eventually, yes. I’ll have one.”

“But not right now. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, with the party, and going overboard with everything. And then my mom talking about it.”

Johanna gives him a smile. “We’ve been working together since you left high school, Even. I trust you, and I think you know yourself best. Do you think you are?”

“No.”

Johanna nods. “No. I don’t think so either. And it’s my job to tell you if I did.”

Even laughs, slightly relieved. “I just hate when I feel like I can’t trust myself to feel too happy or sad or too anything. I just want to feel things and not have it mean something bad is coming.”

“True. But I think you’ve made a lot of progress when it comes to taking care of yourself.”

Even thinks back to university, to high school. He thinks about the times when he felt so out of it, so deep in a pain that he wouldn’t wish upon his worst enemy, and yet he would refuse to deal with it. And now he’s talking openly with his therapist about pretty much everything in his life.

“I guess.”

“Back in March, I think it was, you said you felt like you really understood yourself and your bipolar better. Do you still think that?”

Even nods.

“But having a handle on that doesn’t mean that you’re all better. We haven’t talked in a while about how you view yourself, how you speak to yourself.”

“Like when the only thing I can think is ‘I hate myself’ 300 times in a row?”

Johanna frowns at his semi-sarcasm. “Yes. And that type of negative self-talk needs to be addressed. Or else sometime you might start believing it again. And I don’t want you to do that.”

His face heats up. He really hasn’t been very kind to himself lately, when he thinks about it. Most words he uses to describe himself, he wouldn’t dare say aloud to another person. “I really don’t want to believe it either.”

Johanna tries to inconspicuously slide a box of tissues over to him. He’s not sure he needs them yet, but the motion does serve to make him laugh.

“We don’t have to dive into it all today. But I just wanted to remind you that all of this takes time. Learning to love yourself, accept yourself, and let other people in to see you authentically? That is so hard. And most people don’t even try.”

Even lets himself feel good, if just for a moment. “But I’m trying. I’m really trying.”

Johanna smiles, and they sit in silence for a minute or two.

“You don’t seem satisfied.” Johanna says, eyeing him.

“No, I am. It’s just—this might sound dumb.” Even starts eventually.

“Say it anyways.”

“Isak.”

“What about him?”

“I think I’ve been waiting to do anything with him because I’ve just been so stuck in place. And I thought, I don’t know, I thought if I was taking classes again, I might look like I’m going somewhere.”

Johanna contemplates his words. “And why would you need to look like you’re going somewhere?”

Even falls back into the couch again. “Because he is? And everyone I know is? And if I could show that I’m not a total failure, then he might think…he might want to keep me around. See me as a part of his future.”

“It seems like he already knows you. And from what you’ve described, he seems to like you now, regardless of you taking a class.”

“It’s not really just the class.”

“I know that.”

“I just had this idea. That I would make a plan or timeline or something to go back to school, and my parents would trust me, and the university would just accept me with no problems, and then I could go to Isak and my friends and just show them that I’m worth something.”

Johanna just observes him for a moment, one eyebrow raised. “Okay. Now I want you to think logically about what you just said, and then tell me why it’s ridiculous.”

Even puts his head in his hands. He knows it’s her job to help him, but sometimes he just wants to irrationally hate on himself in peace.

“Because,” he starts, one hand still over his mouth. “I’m already worth something. And my friends know that. And they won’t stop hanging out with me or caring about me just because I’m taking a different path in life.”

Johanna puts out her hands, gesturing, ‘see?’ “So. What would you like to do?”

Even smiles just thinking about him. It’s only been three days, but he misses Isak. “I could try just telling him I like him. See what he says.”

Johanna grins, and starts pulling out her little mood-measuring chart. “Alright, let’s fill one of these out, just to check. Anything else to add on the Isak-front?”

Even pauses. “God, he’s so hot, Johanna.”

\-----

Even huffs as he walks to work after his appointment. He hates thinking about the past, but perhaps right now it will serve him well. 

He’s put himself through so much shit. He’s attempted suicide. He’s failed out of school more than once. He’s broken friendships and relationships. And still he’s trying.

He lets himself hold onto that. Every day he tries. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, he keeps throwing himself at it. He’s walking to his shitty job, god damnit. And if Isak is there, Even might just do something about it.

Johanna is right, of course. The class is a blip, but he’s lived through explosions, fucking nuclear meltdowns in his life. With the exception of Saturday, he has overall healthy coping mechanisms. He’s well equipped to deal with blips at this point. He just prays that this thing with Isak doesn’t have to be one of them.

\-----

Even has a closing shift, meaning that there’s a good chance he’ll see at least one of the guys before the night is through.

He’s stuck on a register for most of the evening, and it leaves him feeling antsy. For once he’d like to pull an Isak, bunk off work and go wandering around the store in search of the man in question.

Even is walking to the floor after his break when he finally spots Isak in the baking aisle. He approaches, no idea where to begin, but happy to see his face. Until he gets a little closer, and notices Isak looking down at his hands with a frown while his manager stands in front of him, reaming him out for something.

“You managed to slash open every single bag when you opened up the pallet.” The manager is saying as he gestures to the shelf, which does seem to be covered in flour. “I swear to god, Isak. I’d rather you just not show up if you can’t do the work.”

Even feels defensive, especially when he notices the dark circles under Isak’s eyes. He stops just before he gets to them. Isak looks so forlorn, and Even wants to say fuck it and intervene. But Isak looks at up him before he passes, and gives him a small smile and a subtle shake of the head. Even sighs, and keeps going.

Jakob approaches him as he returns to the registers, frazzled as usual. “Even, can you work the parking lot the rest of the night?”

Even restrains himself from groaning in despair. “Who’s supposed to be down there?”

“Eline left.” 

Fucking Eline. “What happened this time?”

Jakob sighs. “A customer said she was threatening to run him over with a cart, so I just thought it would be best if she went home early.”

Even has to laugh at the image. Good on her for saying what’s on her mind. “Honestly, Jakob. How does she still work here?”

Jakob runs a hand through his hair, looking nervous. “I don’t know, but I can’t fire her. She scares me too much.”

Even would bet that poor Jakob is scared of just about everything, but he leaves it alone. He drags his feet down to the parking lot, which of course is a total disaster.

He ends up spending an hour cleaning up the overflowing trashcans. He refuses to look at what’s in them; the smells are bad enough. To make matters worse, some unknown liquid spills on his shoes, so he figures he’ll just smell like trash for the rest of the day.

He gets halfway through a thought about just jumping into the dumpster and fulfilling his shitty destiny as a piece of garbage when he remembers his session from earlier in the day. Johanna wouldn’t like that.

The store doesn’t close until 23:00, but luckily by 21:00 things slow down in the garage. Even spends the next hour sitting in various hidden corners, wasting time. He maneuvers himself into a cart for a few minutes in the alcove where he first talked with Isak and Magnus. He keeps refreshing his phone, but he doesn’t have any new messages.

He rests his head against the side of the cart and closes his eyes, returning to the image of Isak against the wall of Eva’s apartment building. What Even would give to see him like that again.

He runs his hand over his clavicle, a spot where Isak had kissed repeatedly. Even looked already; he knows there’s no mark, but it’s like he can still feel Isak’s lips under his skin.

“Are you asleep?”

Even startles, opening his eyes from his memories-turning-into-fantasies to see Isak staring at him, on the verge of laughter. He’s got his backpack on, clearly done with work.

“Oh god, no. I was just—” he struggles to speak while trying to push himself out of the cart. He’s not sure why he got in one in the first place.

Isak is in front of him in a flash, offering out a hand. It’s a simple gesture, but Even’s going to read into it anyway. He grabs on, and lets Isak help him.

Once Even’s on his feet, he grins at him, but Isak doesn’t give much of a reaction as he steps back. Even worries that a wall is up again, one that hasn’t been there since the before first time they hung out.

“You done your shift?”

Isak grunts an affirmative.

“That was shitty, earlier. With your manager.” Isak doesn’t say anything for a moment, and Even is about to backtrack, hoping he hasn’t already overstepped whatever boundaries lay between them now.

But then Isak just smiles, exhausted, and shakes his head. “Yeah, he’s kind of a dick. But I’ve been so tired with all this shit for school, and I ended up having to toss a bunch of product because I was an idiot who cut open a box wrong.”

“Sorry you’ve been stressed. I hope you don’t feel like this place is just adding to it though.”

Isak shakes his head. “No. I don’t know, it’s a good reminder of how much I don’t want to be here, though. It’ll motivate me so I don’t end up a fucking stock boy forever.”

Even tries not to grimace at the thought, but Isak seems to pick up on it anyway.

“Wow. That sounded really shitty.” Isak furrows his brow, looking down at the ground. “Um. Sorry. I more meant that I—I was originally going to turn down that job. With my professor. But then I was thinking about what you said last week. About pursuing something I care about, not just money. And today was a reminder that even if I get paid a few kroner more an hour here, for me it might not be worth it if it’s not something I love.”

Even nods slowly. “I do think you should take it. Because you clearly want to. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with a career in the grocery department either.”

Isak shakes his head emphatically. “Fuck. Sorry. I really didn’t mean it like that. I just—” He groans then, running a hand over his face. “I can’t talk right today.”

Even laughs, and starts walking to the front of the garage, gesturing for Isak to follow. He gets what Isak is trying to say, knows it’s not really a slight to him, so he tries not to take it as one. “You do seem really tired. I’m guessing the work is piling up for the end of the year?”

Isak nods as he falls into step with him. “I swear, I’ve gone over this presentation for one of my classes so many times. I don’t know if it’s any good because the words are just total mush now.”

“Well are you doing anything right now? You could present it to me and I could tell you how it is?”

“Seriously?” Isak lights up. “That could actually be really good. Maybe I just need a fresh pair of eyes.”

Even leads him to a spot behind the escalator where he left his water bottle, pretty out of view from everything. Even sits himself down on the little curb and takes a drink, ready to listen in.

Isak squats a few feet away from him, pulling his laptop from his backback and opening up a powerpoint.

“So this might suck.”

Even tilts his head, grinning fondly. “I highly doubt that, but do it anyway.”

Isak nods and huffs out a breath, hyping himself up. And begins his presentation.

Even doesn’t understand most of the studies Isak refers to as he talks, and won’t pretend to, but he does recognize that it seems very well researched, and Isak is doing a great job of public speaking. He stumbles over his words a few times, getting self-conscious as customers walk by, staring as they go, but Even figures that’s reasonable.

For the most part, Even just watches him dive into the subject he’s so clearly passionate about. Even had always considered the blinking orange lights of the parking garage to be harsh, but as Isak stands above him, pacing a bit as he talks, they catch the shadows of his face just right.

When Isak finishes, Even does not think it’s dramatic at all to give him a standing ovation. Isak’s face turns bright red, as he tries to get him to quieten down when a few more customers get off the escalator, but his smile is so big.

“I’m not joking when I say that was amazing. And I didn’t understand half of it, but I felt like I did by the way you were talking about it.”

Isak nods, looking relieved. “That did feel good.”

“When’s the presentation?”

“Friday morning.”

“Friday? And you’re already this prepared?” Even shakes his head, in awe of this boy. Again.

Isak groans, embarrassed. “Well I have to get started on a group project and a paper for other classes between now and then, so I had to get this done.”

“Still. That was really good.” Even gives him a few pointers about his speech, places to slow down and give a little more explanation of the graphs in his slides, and Isak seems to appreciate the notes.

They both sit down again on the curb after Isak has put his laptop away. “Thanks for listening.” Even just bumps his shoulder in response. “When does your summer class start?”

“Ah.” Even had brought it up once when they were hanging out, back when he had some hope. “I won’t be taking one. At least not at a university.”

Isak just says a soft “oh” and nods, never judging. Just listening. Even considers leaving it at that, but maybe it would be good for him to tell someone. Johanna doesn’t really count at this point.

“That’s why I was stressed, actually. This whole weekend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I missed the deadline, because I kept putting it off. And I guess maybe I didn’t really feel ready to go back. But then I was kind of freaking out. About telling my parents, and what I would do instead. So, I don’t know. It’s still stressing me out, honestly.”

Isak looks slightly stunned. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Even raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t tell you, you don’t have to be sorry.”

“I thought you seemed a little—on edge. At Eva’s. But I didn’t want to push.” Isak turns to him. “Should I have?”

Even just shrugs. “I don’t know. I think I needed to come to terms with it on my own, I guess.”

Isak nods, still looking at him with a small frown. Even takes a deep breath. He feels like they might be about to get deeper into the events of Saturday, but he knows there’s more he should say to Isak.

“I ended up talking to my therapist about it,” He starts. Isak just nods again. Even can see him trying to keep his expression neutral, and he appreciates it. “She’s really helpful for that type of stuff. Talking about stress, and family. School.”

Even doesn’t know where to go from here. He doesn’t want to pile his whole history on Isak at once, especially when he has his own stuff to deal with right now. 

But Even is tired of keeping things inside, and the low lit parking lot, almost silent at this time of night, makes him feel weirdly exposed, like if he just whispers out his feelings, they’ll float right over to Isak and he’ll give something of himself to Even in return.

“My parents and I did a few family sessions last year.” Isak says softly. Maybe he feels it too. “They were really hard, but I think they helped. Just with communication between the three of us.”

“I get that.” Even takes a breath. He can feel his heart pounding. Wonders if Isak can hear it too. “I started talking to her at the end of high school. I had tried to hurt myself, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so. I really needed it.” Isak scoots closer, but doesn’t say anything yet. “And then when I crashed again and dropped out of university, I realized I had to start really being honest with her.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes as they watch an older man help his wife into the car.

When Even turns to look at Isak, he sees a tear rolling down his cheek. Isak wipes it away quickly when he sees Even looking. “I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I didn’t know.”

Isak looks so young like this, his eyes wide with sadness. Even just feels light, for the first time in a while. “I didn’t tell you.” He leans into Isak’s side. “And everything’s not perfect, but I am doing a lot better now. Sometimes I forget things were ever like that.”

Isak scoffs as he sniffles, wiping his hands over his face again. “I can’t believe you’re comforting me right now. It should be the other way around. I’m really fucking sorry.”

“Isak.” Even moves his hand to rest on Isak’s forearm when he doesn’t turn to him right away. “Stop apologizing. It felt good to tell you. I just hope it doesn’t make you too sad.”

“Of course it makes me sad, Even. I just want to go back in time and make none of that happen, but I fucking can’t. So I’m sad.”

Even lets out a laugh at Isak’s indignance. “You know—”

“Wait. Let me get this out first though. I know it doesn’t work like that. I know I can’t fix it or anything. I don’t know much about bipolar, but I tried to learn more about that type of stuff after everything with my mom. It seems like maybe it was hard for you to share.” He softens again. “So thank you. I hope you know that I don’t care about that.” Isak pauses. “Fuck. I do care about that. But not like I _care_ care. I just. I care about you. And so that’s just a part of you that I care about.”

Even wants to die. But not in a sad way. In a ‘his heart is feeling so full it might burst’ type of way. “I think I get what you’re saying.”

Isak brings his hand to rest on top of Even’s. “Can I ask you something?”

Even sighs. “If you’re going to ask if I’m okay now, it’s kind of a loaded answer.”

“Shit,” Isak says, “I didn’t know if I should ask that, so I was going to ask something else. But maybe you could tell me anyway?”

“Ask me your question first.”

“I was just hoping that I wasn’t hurting your progress, by like, exposing you to weed again. And we all drink a lot. I know it can be hard with different medications, so, has that been an issue for you? Because we could do other stuff.”

Even breathes in slowly, just enjoying the aura that he’s come to associate with Isak, this kind soul who might just be the death of him. “I’m really okay. I definitely overdid it this weekend, but that was kind of a one time thing. And my meds are stable, so the occasional night out is fine. But maybe it’s good for you to know. Just in case it gets to be a lot.”

Isak grins. “I can do that. Tell the boys to stop being lame by just going to the same bar all the time.” They both giggle. “And the other thing? About you being okay?”

Even’s smile fades as he thinks about how to phrase everything, and Isak’s follows, watching him intently.

“I really am, most of the time. But it might not always be that way. I’ll still have episodes, I still have a lot of stuff to work through about my past, and just about myself in general. But I am working on it. That’s all I can really do right now, just keep working on it.”

Even suddenly finds himself wrapped in Isak’s arms, nose tucked in right at the base of Isak’s neck. Isak grips him so tightly for a moment, but loosens just a bit so that Even can wrap his arms around Isak’s waist. Even has to close his eyes to keep the tears from falling, especially as he hears Isak start to sniffle again.

He’s not sure how long they stay like that, hidden behind the escalator in one of the nastiest places in Oslo, him smelling like a dumpster and Isak getting snot all over the back of Even’s shirt. He feels so warm in Isak’s arms, content to just keep breathing in the smell of Isak’s jacket, weird as that sounds. 

His back starts to ache eventually, bent at a weird angle in Isak’s death grip of a hug. He shifts a little, trying to get more comfortable, but Isak notices, and pulls back.

“God. Sorry.” His eyes are even more red now, but he’s smiling slightly.

“It’s okay. I needed that.” Even whispers, not quite ready to break the delicate nature of the moments.

He checks his watch. It’s getting close to closing, and he knows Isak still probably has a bunch of work to do tonight. When he looks back to the parking lot, he sees quite a few stray carts waiting for him.

Isak seems to know what he’s about to say, getting to his feet and then pulling Even up after him. “I really don’t want to go.”

They’re standing right in each other’s space now, as if they can’t help themselves. “I really don’t want to take out the trash again.”

Isak breaks first, stepping back with a giggle. “I’m glad you said that, because I was concerned about your hygiene for a second.”

Even lifts up his apron to sniff it. “Oh my god. Wow. I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

They smile at each other. Isak looks Even up and down, almost like he’s solidifying his presence here. “Alright. I still have so much work to do.”

“Of course. Sorr—”

Isak puts up a hand. “Don’t finish that thought. Because this,” he gestures between them, “Was important. If we could just skip out on all our shit and chill in the park all night, that’s exactly what I would propose we do.”

Even nods, glad for the confirmation. “But I guess this is where we have to be adults and deal with our responsibilities.”

Isak groans, clearly gearing up to start another rant about his classes, but Even pushes him towards the elevators instead.

“Go, be smart and ace your classes. And then sleep. You need it.” He pushes the button for Isak, who’s taken to repeatedly banging his forehead against Even’s shoulder. He really is sleep-deprived.

The elevator opens, and Even has to maneuver Isak into it. Before it can shut, Isak sticks out a hand to stop it. “And when I do all that, then…” He pauses, looking to Even’s lips. He swears it’s just a natural reaction when he wets them with his tongue. “Then we can have time.”

He whispers out the last bit, and before Even can ask what they need time for, Isak moves forward, brings a hand to Even’s cheek, and kisses him gently.

Even’s brain breaks down, and by the time he gets it back online, Isak is smiling at him as the door shuts between them.

The rest of the night is a daze. Even refuses to unpack it, to pour over Isak’s every word and gesture looking for things to panic about. Instead, he walks around with his thumb pressed against his lips, praying that last moment was as real as it felt.

Even passes out as soon his as head hits the pillow. When he awakes in the morning, feeling more well rested than he has in a long time, it’s to quite a few three in the morning texts.

_Isak: Just wanted you to know I finished one of my research papers so now I get to sleep. I’m sure you’re very proud_

_Isak: But before that I just wanted to say that I hope it’s okay that I kissed you. We didn’t really talk about Saturday and maybe we should, but I just wanted you to know that I was really happy it happened (not the throwing up part or you running into the night part)_

_Isak: and I said it earlier, but I’ve been thinking about it for a little bit now and I’m just really happy you shared that stuff with me. I hope you feel okay that you did. And you can always talk to me about it. I wont always know what to say but I can listen_

_Isak: also in my paper I had to write about the pollution and sewage in the Ganges River in India. And it reminded me of you bc of how bad you smelled today_

_Isak: but it’s okay bc you still looked really good and I wanted to hug you anyways_

_Isak: ok I am saying a lot bc it’s the middle of the night and I don’t feel real anymore I need to close my eyes. But I care about you and I miss you_

_Isak: I was with you five hours ago but. I do._

_Isak: ok goodnight fr this time_

\-----

The rest of the week finds Even with much more pep in his step, despite the emotional exhaustion of the last few days. He grabs lunch with Jonas during their break on Thursday. He looks almost as tired as Isak, but he’s still happy to see Even.

After Isak’s late night texts, the two don’t spend more than 10 minutes without a message between them. It’s mostly Even telling Isak about ridiculous customers and sending him encouraging messages to keep up the hard work, while Isak sends him weird facts from his research or ways Even should fuck with customers’ food. At one point during lunch, Isak sends him a link for a monastery in France that is open for people to join, writing, _So should I just book the tickets now._

“Is that Isak?” Jonas asks, gesturing to Even’s phone.

“Yeah.” Even says, knowing he’s wearing the stupidest grin right now.

Jonas just gives his eyebrows a slight raise.

“What?” Even asks, hoping just maybe for a sign of approval.

“Nothing. Tell him I say hi.”

“I will.”

“You’re going to come out with us on Friday, right?”

“Hm?” Even’s distracted by Isak’s _tell Jonas I say fuck off _ text. “Oh yeah.”

“Cool. Isak will be happy.”

Even looks up at the mention of the name. He hates that he’s about to ask, but he does it anyway. “Did he—say anything?”

Jonas squints at Even with a smirk. “You’re the one texting him right now, so you could just ask.”

“Jonas…” Even says, rolling his eyes.

“Wow, that was an Isak face.” Jonas laughs. “Yesterday when I saw him, he seemed like he was feeling a lot better. And he said he was happy you guys talked. It seems like you’re feeling the same way,” He ends, pointing at Even’s phone again.

Even can feel his face getting red, but he can’t really find it in himself to be embarrassed. There’s still a lot to suss out, but Even just relishes the moment. He likes Isak. Isak likes him back. Their friends are chill with it. It all just feels good. “Wow, I really can’t wait for you guys to be done school.”

Jonas cracks up at that. “God, you have no idea.”

\-----

Even has a short morning shift on Friday. He’s out by 11, and it’s a beautiful day. He delays his return home, opting to lie in the park for awhile and practice some sketching.

He’d taken quite a break from drawing during university and the few months after, feeling like the inspiration had drained from him completely. He’d been slow to get back into it, but the last two months have left him feeling that familiar itch to create, even if he’s rusty. Maybe he could take an art class this summer. Just something lowkey, to work on skills he’s forgotten.

He writes a note in his phone to look into it. He then checks his messages, head falling back against the grass in contentment when he sees Isak’s name, responding to the text Even had sent before he went in for his shift this morning.

_Even: I know your presentation is today, just a reminder that you’re a genius and if you can make me understand and be interested in sustainable development in ten minutes then it will be a breeze for your professor _

_Isak: just finished. My professor legit smiled at me when I sat down and that is so rare. So I’m feeling good_

_Even: yes! That is amazing_

_Isak: god I was so stressed about that. I still have so much shit to do but at least one thing is out of the way_

_Isak: I know we’re going to the bar tonight, but would you want to hang out before? Just us?_

Even has to drop his phone into the grass, and just laugh as he looks up at the sky. He’s sure he looks deranged right now, but he can’t help it. He takes a few breaths to calm his heartbeat, and returns to his phone.

_Even: I would love that. Should we get dinner? Or I could make something. Save that $$_

_Isak: haha yes please that would be amazing. If I told you the last time I ate a home cooked meal you might faint_

_Even: ??? okay that settles it. I will arrive at your apartment with a full pantry bc I’m assuming you have no food_

_Isak: … will not confirm or deny_

Even rushes home soon after. He’s relieved to find his mom in her office, working from home today.

“Even!” She says with a smile. “How was work?”

“The same.” He puts in front of her a cookbook from the kitchen. “I’m making dinner for my friend, can you help me pick out a recipe?”

She looks at him fondly before flipping through the book. “You’re a good egg.” She lands on a Mediterranean-style chicken. “This is a great one.”

Even recalls her making it some time last summer, when Mikael was over. If he remembers correctly, the two of them polished off the entire thing, which should have been able to serve six. “Perfect.”

\-----

Even takes off for the supermarket late in the afternoon, list in hand for dinner and various essentials for a kitchen that he doubts Isak has. Besides, if things go the way Even hopes, he’ll be spending a lot more time at Isak’s; it’d be nice to be prepared to cook something edible.

Even had spent far too long mulling over his clothing options, before finally just pulling on a pair of jeans and a thin black sweater. He feels like it’s clear he put a little bit of effort in, but not too much that it’s weird.

He’s halfway to the store when he changes direction, starts walking towards the more health-conscious organic supermarket. If it were just him, Even wouldn’t care, but now that he knows Isak himself barely shops at their store, he realizes he has to get the best quality ingredients he can.

He’s glad he gave himself an hour and a half for shopping, because despite spending almost every day in a grocery store, it still takes him forever to actually pick out everything he wants.

Even ends up with six bags of groceries. The commute to Isak’s is an arduous one, and by the time Even makes it to Isak’s building, he’s sweating profusely and has most definitely ruined whatever shape he had gotten his hair into.

He texts Isak to come down, because Even truly doesn’t know if he has the arm strength to make it all the way up the stairs.

“Oh my god.” Isak says, confused when he opens the front door. He’s wearing a button down, and the thought of Isak maybe putting on a nice shirt for him has Even even more flustered than before. “Is this all for dinner?”

Even just grins. “Told you I had to bring a full pantry.”

“I thought you were—” Isak pauses to heft some of the bags into his arms. “Thought you were just joking.”

“I never joke around when it comes to food.”

They manage to bring up the groceries in one trip, and with Isak’s direction they put everything in the correct spots throughout the kitchen.

“Where is everyone?” Even asks, noticing the flat is much more quiet than he’s used to.

“I think Linn is in her room, but everyone else is out.”

“Out? Are they coming back for dinner? Or before the bar?”

Isak blushes. “I sort of asked them to not be here.”

Even raises his eyebrows in understanding. Isak busies himself with setting out the ingredients they need, reading the recipe Even had pulled up on his phone. “That’s—that’s good.”

Isak turns to look at him then. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Even nods. “I’m glad we get to hang out. Just us, like you said.”

Isak grins. “Good.” 

Even wants to say more, but he leaves it alone for now; they have a dinner to make.

Isak offers up his clumsy sous-chef abilities, and the two of them manage to get the chicken in the oven without any major disasters. Even then pulls out some fancy cider that he’d picked up.

Isak gives him a look. “Cider, Even? Really?”

“We’re celebrating your presentation! Also it’s better than beer.”

Isak scoffs, but then nods after taking a sip from the bottle. “It’s not terrible.”

“Told you.”

Isak squints. “I didn’t say it was better than beer.”

“Anything’s better than the beer you guys drink.”

“It’s called saving money.” Isak says, defensive.

“Is the cheap option really worth it if you end up destroying your taste buds?”

Isak rolls his eyes. “So elitist,” he mumbles with a laugh.

They get to talking about Isak’s classes, and Even hears in depth about the presentation. He asks what Isak’s schedule looks like in the coming weeks, and Isak just groans, laying his head against the kitchen table.

“Don’t remind me. This week was just the tip of the iceberg.”

Even reaches out, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “You can do it, though.” Isak looks up at him fondly. “Seriously. I’ll bring you snacks at the library or something for motivation.”

“I love when you talk food to me.”

The timer goes off, and Even shoes Isak away from the counter as he tries to plate the chicken with all the garnishes, just the way it looks in the recipe picture.

Isak just laughs, but he seems to appreciate the effort. They decide to eat in front of the TV, so Isak can make Even watch some Netflix show that he says is the “Korean Game of Thrones.”

The chicken is surprisingly a success, and Isak eats about three helpings. Even understands now why his mom loves grilling people on how much they like her food, because he just keeps preening every time Isak groans with how good it is.

Isak takes charge of the clean up, but Even helps with drying dishes and putting things away. It’s all very domestic. After Even puts away the last bowl, Isak turns to him, slightly serious.

“Thank you. Again. For listening to me vent, and helping with my presentation. And for the food and… the food.” He laughs, gesturing to his now full shelf in the pantry.

Even just shakes his head, leaning next to the sink. “Not a problem.”

Isak takes a deliberate step toward him. “Still. You didn’t have to.” He murmurs.

“I wanted to, though.” Even says back quietly. He’s glad his weight is supported by the counter, because he’s feeling unsteady on his feet. “I know you’re stressed. I just wanted to make you feel better.”

“You do. Just being here, with you. I feel better. I hope—I hope that I make you feel good too.”

Even can’t take it anymore. He brings a hand up slowly, and rests it on the back of Isak’s neck. “I feel great.”

He kisses Isak before he can respond. It’s slow, full of intent. Even has no plans to run away this time, and he tries to pour everything he’s feeling into the embrace.

Isak’s arms lock around Even’s waist, pulling them close together. Even can’t help but moan a little at the contact, and Isak presses closer at the sound.

Even deepens the kiss, bringing both hands to Isak’s cheeks, stroking his strong jaw. He feels so content, so on fire at the same time. He knows it’s cliché, but it’s like he can’t get close enough, can’t intertwine himself enough into the boy in front of him.

Isak pulls away for a just a moment, long enough to hop up onto the counter and pull Even in between his knees. Even runs his hands along Isak’s thighs, back up to his hips.

They’re both already hard against each other, months of tension and looks and touches boiling down to this one moment. But for now they just move slow, Even memorizing the spots that make Isak shiver, just grinding together slowly. They have all the time in the world.

The thought makes Even break the kiss. “Just to clarify,” He starts, trying to slow his breathing. “I really like you.”

“Good. I like you too.” Isak tries to chases his lips, but Even’s not done.

“Like, I want to date you. Be your boyfriend.”

Isak rolls his eyes, all fondness. Even keeps his hand on his cheek. “Same, Even. Hence the date we’re on.”

“I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”

Isak grins. “We are.”

Even nods, satisfied, and kisses Isak again with newfound fervor, now that they’re official and all that.

They stay like that for a few minutes, just exploring each other lazily, both slightly buzzed and still full from dinner.

Isak’s phone vibrates, but he silences is it without looking. It rings twice more, and Even asks, “You gonna get that?”

“Do I have to?” Isak’s cheeks are blotchy, his lips all wet, and he’s looking at Even like he just wants him to ruin him even more. Even leans his forehead against Isak’s, nose brushing together, as he hands Isak his phone.

Isak sighs. “It’s Jonas. He wants to know when we’re coming to his place to pregame.”

They look at each other, trying to suss out without words if they should go or not. They stay close together, noses still touching. Isak narrows his eyes, trying to hold back a smile as he looks over Even’s face. Even squints back.

“On the one hand, you’d get to see your friends. Take a study break.” Even offers.

“They’re your friends too. Do you want to see them?”

Even shrugs. “Yeah, but I can see them whenever. You’re the one who needs some stress relief.”

Isak sighs and rests his arms on Even’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug. “True.” He sounds put out.

“Or…” Even pulls back to kiss him again. “We could not go.”

Isak looks intrigued. “What would we do instead?”

“I can think of some good stress relieving activities.”

Isak pushes him away as he laughs. “Really, Even? God, that was cheesy.” Isak hops down from the counter anyways, and pulls Even down the hall, texting in one hand as he goes. 

“What are you saying?”

“Just that they shouldn’t wait for us.”

They enter Isak’s bedroom, and Even stops to look around. He’s been in here before, to watch movies or hang out when Isak felt the living room was too crowded, but it’s never been quite like this.

Never with the tension between them addressed, never with Isak looking Even up and down shamelessly as he walks backwards to the foot of his bed. Even follows slowly, breath hitching as Isak starts to unbutton his shirt.

Even pulls off his sweater, then helps Isak with the rest of his buttons. Their hands are both shaking slightly, and they laugh at the struggle. 

“I didn’t tell you earlier,” Even says, pausing to kiss Isak again, “but you look so fucking good today.”

Isak just smiles, and once his shirt is all the way off, he falls back onto the bed, bringing Even with him. He blankets Isak with his body, grinding down as he moves to Isak’s neck, marking anywhere he can.

“Fucking hell, Even.” Isak moans, hands gripping anything he can get a hold of. 

Even kisses down Isak’s chest, unable to help himself from licking a broad stroke up his abs. Isak is so toned, and although Even only had two drinks, he feels even more drunk off Isak’s body than he did last weekend.

He gets to Isak’s belt, looking up at him for permission before unbuckling it. 

Isak is a sight. He’s leaning on his elbows, stomach tensed and breath heavy as he watches Even slide his jeans down his thighs and onto the ground. 

Even thinks he might have a fetish when it comes to Isak’s quads. He can see the strength in them, loving how the muscles jump slightly when he runs his hands firmly up and down Isak’s legs.

Even moves up his body again, unable to keep away from Isak’s lips for too long. He kicks off his pants as well, Isak straining up to grind against him. Isak takes charge for a moment, grabbing Even’s ass and kneading as he pulls him down so they’re plastered together once again.

Even can barely think, just focused on the feeling of his dick pressed against Isak’s. Nothing else matters but this, the way Isak is groaning into his ear, the way he’s pushing up towards Even like he might just crumble if they stop touching even for a second. 

But Even doesn’t think he’s ready to come like this. He needs to be closer. He wants to graze over every part of Isak’s body with his tongue. He wants—“Can I blow you?” The question comes from his gut, some primal need that he has to fulfill.

Isak nods vigorously, eyes wide and black with hunger. “God, Even. You’re so…” He trails off, mouth dropping open in pleasure when Even takes off his briefs in one go. Even’s mouth waters as he grabs hold of Isak’s dick. 

He’s nervous, briefly recalling that the last time he was in this position was at university, when he was drunk and on the verge, thinking that pushing himself to hook up with some guy would somehow make him feel better. It didn’t.

Isak runs a hand through Even’s hair, bringing up back to the present. “Hey, you okay? We can take a break.”

Isak’s dick is clearly telling a different story, and Even is filled with appreciation and love for this boy. He shakes his head. “No fucking way.”

He may have been incoherent the last time he gave a blowjob, but this is different. So different. So good.

He sighs, kissing the head of Isak’s dick as he settles between his thighs. Isak’s head tilts back to the ceiling at the contact, exposing his long neck. The movement spurs Even on, and he takes him into his mouth.

It’s a fucking messy blowjob. Even knows he’s being overeager, getting Isak way too wet with spit when he pulls off, but he just can’t help it. Isak, thankfully, restrains himself from bucking up while Even gets used to his length. Once he does though, it’s like he can’t get enough of the pressure of Isak’s dick resting heavy in his mouth, the feeling power that comes with the slight discomfort. 

He wants to devour him, wants to just breathe in this heady scent that is so _Isak_ and stay here in this moment forever, stroking and filling his throat as deep as he can go, nose pressed up against the hair at the base of Isak’s groin. He keeps one hand pressed on his dick, just holding himself, trying desperately not to get off to Isak’s moans and the feeling of his mouth and throat being so fucking full.

Once he gets into a rhythm, he lets go where he’s holding himself at the base of his cock, calmed down from the initial desperation and content to rub against the bed. He cups Isak’s balls in one hand, fondling them as his throat opens to take him in easier.

Isak writhes at his movements, looking down at him in equal parts fondness and pleasure. Isak’s hand finds Even’s. He intertwines their fingers and grips on tightly, as they keep their eyes locked together.

Even pulls off for a second to catch his breath, hand still stroking Isak’s swollen dick. He can tell Isak is about to whine, but then he says, “You could fuck my throat a little, if you want.”

Isak turns his head to the side in an almost pained laugh. “If I want? Fuck off, Even. God, you feel too fucking good.”

Even grins at the praise, and leans over to take Isak into his mouth slowly again, making sure Isak is watching. He is, and Even sees a tear roll down his cheek as he slowly moves his hips up.

They keep holding hands as Isak bucks up faster and faster, just little movements, but it’s still so satisfying as Even keeps up with his increasingly sloppy pace, loving the way Isak is slowly falling apart in front of his eyes.

Even’s jaw gets tired after a while, despite how good he feels in the moment, so he resolves to bring Isak off quickly after that. Isak gets loud as he gets closer to his orgasm, and Even just has to grind even hard against the mattress.

Isak grabs his shoulder, stopping him. “Fucking hell, I’m gonna come.”

Even pulls off his dick, just following wherever his desires take him. “I want you to come in my mouth.”

Isak falls against the mattress, elbows giving out, but still keeping his eyes on Even. “Fuck. Okay.”

Even strokes him, taking him between his lips again when he sees Isak’s face scrunch up, just on the edge. 

He watches Isak throughout, memorizing the furrow in his brow and his swelling lips, after biting them too many times to keep from moaning too loud.

Even keeps a hold of him through his orgasm, loving the pulsing of his dick and taste of Isak down his throat.

He lets up eventually, when Isak tries to grab his shoulder to pull him up into a kiss. He lets himself fall onto Isak as they melt into each other, Isak now sated and lazy as he gets sloppy with his tongue. Even loves it, happy to keep unconsciously grinding into Isak’s hip.

The movement jolts Isak though, as he keeps their mouths together while attempting to pull down Even’s briefs with one hand. Even attempts to help him, but he just bats his hand away.

“No, just let me—” He groans as he pushes them down far enough to grab Even’s dick. “I want to get you off.” He whines into Even’s mouth.

The sound alone has Even on the edge. He’s so wet with precum, and despite the angle, Isak grips him expertly. He huffs against Isak’s lips. They’re barely kissing anymore, but Even feels like neither of them could pull away from each other.

“I’m so close.” Even grits out, moving against Isak’s hand more frantically now.

“Yeah? Do you want to come on my chest?” Isak says, eyes wide and innocent, and Even just. Loses it. He’s coming into Isak’s hand before he even realizes, already so lost in his words in the way his lips are parted.

When he’s done, he collapses against Isak’s shoulder. They stay like that for a few seconds, sweaty and satisfied and too content to move. 

Even starts laughing. “Fucking hell. You really just broke me at the end there.”

Isak giggles back, eyes scrunched up in amusement. He wipes hand on the bed, before wrapping his arms around Even’s waist, securing him in place. “You really came as soon as I said that.”

Embarrassed but too happy to really care, Even just groans, wiggling to get as comfortable as he can, still half-laying on Isak. “You just. God, you just looked so fucking hot. I don’t know what happened.”

Isak preens at the compliment and nuzzles his nose against Even’s cheek. “Next time then. Next time you can come on my chest.”

Even groans again. “Stop saying that.”

“Are you getting hard again?” Isak says, laughing. “Wow. Now I know what to say whenever we get in a fight.”

“So we’re just going to solve our problems with sex, then?” Even asks, heart beating wildly at the thought of what the future holds for them. And what a refreshing feeling that is, he thinks, being excited for what’s to come.

“No. We’ll talk about our feelings, get everything out in the open, be good communicators…” Isak kisses Even so softly. “And then to finish up we’ll just fuck and fuck and fuck.”

Even cracks up. “Okay, whatever you say.” He rolls off of Isak, smiling as he stares up at the ceiling. He knows it’s partly just post-orgasm bliss, but he thinks he might be fucking floating right now.

He turns his head to Isak, who’s already looking at him with a shy smile. Even moves close again, pressing their lips together. He puts his fucking soul into that kiss, and Isak, his salvation, gives him his in return.

They lay like that for a long time, just on their sides, noses so close to touching. Even stroking Isak’s brow as Isak rests his hand on Even’s clavicle, thumb tapping gently against his collarbone.

A siren sounds in the distance, and Even had forgotten that the world was moving on around them. “Want to take a shower?” He asks.

“You trying to say something?” Isak tries to give him a withering look, but by this point Even can see the amusement simmering underneath.

Even laughs in return. “I’m saying I really like shower sex, and I want to do it with you.”

Isak is up out of bed in a flash, Even giggling as he latches onto his boyfriend’s back, forcing Isak to half-carry him to the bathroom.

\-----

Even wakes up late on Saturday. The bed is so warm and comfortable, soothing Even with the scent of Isak. He sits up in alarm when he realizes the boy in question isn’t in the room.

Even finds a clean sweatshirt and pair of shorts to throw on. He could just put on his own clothes, but he really doesn’t want to. He finds Isak sitting on the floor of the living room, binders spread out on the coffee table. Eskild is on the couch, wrapped in a duvet, eyes locked on the TV where some reality show is playing softly. He gives Even a grunt of acknowledgement when he enters the room, clearly suffering from last night’s events.

Isak lights up when he spots Even. For a moment Even isn’t sure what to do exactly, if he should greet Isak with a kiss or just act chill, but luckily Isak makes the decision for him.

He gestures for Even to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around him and kissing him sweetly before returning to his computer.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up while I was doing work, so I came out here.”

Even shakes his head before resting it against Isak’s shoulder. “It’s okay. What’s on the schedule for today?”

Isak sighs. “More studying for this organic chem class that I fucking hate. There’s still so many concepts I need to get down before the exam.” He smiles. “I think Sana and I will meet up tomorrow to go over stuff, though.”

“That’s nice.” Even grins. He soon gets up and makes coffee for the three of them, both Isak and Eskild accepting with groans of delight. He spends a while chatting with Eskild about his night, then scrolling on his phone as he’s content just to sit next to Isak and watch him do work.

He knows he has to make an appearance at home eventually, even though he told his parents he wouldn’t be around. And he can tell he’s distracting Isak, despite trying to just be an encouraging presence.

By 14:00, Even finds himself at the front door, Isak still holding onto one of his hands with both of his.

“You’ll text me when you get home?” Isak asks.

“Course.” Even answers, pulling him into a tight hug. “And I’ll send you memes to keep your spirits up throughout the day.”

“So thoughtful.” Isak laughs into his shoulder. They both hold on for too long.

When Even pulls back, he can’t help but get serious. “You really are capable of doing this. I know it’s stressful. But you’re so smart, Isak.”

Isak blushes, and starts to shake his head.

“I’m serious!” Even persists. “And you are so passionate about what you’re doing. It really is amazing to see you invest so much into your work. It’s inspiring.” And it is. Even recalls the first times he noticed Isak. The intensity he carried with him, whatever he was dealing with. He can’t help but feel more alive in his presence.

Isak looks at him in awe. “You can’t just say stuff like that as you’re leaving, Even. You’re unbelievable.” Isak sighs, softening his voice. “I like you. So much.”

Even feels his heart squeeze in happiness. He makes it out the door eventually, after spending far too long on a goodbye kiss turned makeout session. He practically skips all the way home.

He needs to tell someone about this. He knows the guys have backed off, probably with Yousef’s advice, when it comes to asking about Isak in the groupchat, so he figures he could give them an update.

_Even: So. You’re now talking to a taken man_

_Adam: lmao the fuck does that mean_

_Elias: are you serious? We talking boyfriends and shit_

_Mikael: aslkjfa FINALLY_

_Adam: where were u taken_

_Elias: adam are you dumb or are you stupid_

_Mutta: Even you absolute legend!!!_

_Adam: he said he got taken idk what that means! Like the liam neeson movie? Should we be worried_

_Yousef: taken as in spoken for. As in with someone. Presumably isak_

_Adam: dope_

_Even: lmao yeah isak and I maybe kind of made it official last night_

_Yousef: dude! Can I tell sana? She’ll be so jealous that I knew first_

_Even: sure why not_

_Mutta: y’all I can’t wait to meet him. I’m coming home in three weeks get ready bois_

_Yousef: wtf she already knew_

_Even: how?_

_Elias: bc she’s sana, that’s how_

_Yousef: Isak texted her at like 5 this morning apparently_

_Adam: he must be whipped. good going_

_Mikael: let’s hear it for the boi  
Let’s give the boi a hand_

_Mutta: Mik if you flood the gc with song lyrics again I will block you. No hesitation._

_Mikael: not on Even’s wedding day you wouldn’t_

_Adam: wait what? I thought you guys were just dating?_  
Does taken mean legit married  
Did you really elope without us there wtf 

_Elias: somebody tell him bc I can’t with this guy_

The conversation leaves Even trying not to crack up on the tram. He knows Johanna would be glaring at him for only really believing this now, but sometimes, he thinks, he can make good things happen. And maybe, just maybe, he has such wonderful people in his life because he deserves them, because he’s not half bad himself.

\-----

The next weeks are some of the best Even has had in a long time. Isak is constantly busy, but he always makes time for Even, even if it’s just for a ten minute makeout/study break outside the library before he has to return to his books.

They don’t spend as much time with each other as either of them would like, but Isak has taken to calling him at night when he’s doing work, just asking Even to talk while he reviews his notes. A few nights Even finds himself talking more about his diagnosis, his first try at university, the things he’s still talking to Johanna about. 

There’s something about talking on the phone late at night, that breaks down his defenses. Isak just listens at first, but soon he asks questions, nothing too painful; just probing, trying to deepen his understanding of Even. Soon Isak himself opens up, about his parents, his pain before coming out. The insecurities that still plague him.

One night Even asks if these conversations are too much, if they should wait until the school year ends to get into some things, but Isak just says a quiet, “Please, Even. I want to know everything about you. Doesn’t matter when, or how, or—This is important. I just want to hear you. We’re important.”

“We’re important.” Even repeats, the words feeling branded across his chest. They keep talking, keep sharing, like Isak promised they would.

Even makes good on his promise to keep Isak motivated with food. His dad only has to ask him once why he’s making so much food lately and never leaving leftovers, before he lets his parents know he’s dating someone. In a predictable fashion, his dad just nods, and says “He better be worth all the cooking.” When Even tells him Isak certainly is, then his dad smiles big. “Good man.” Even starts doubling recipes, so there’s enough for his dad to take into work for lunch.

When Even tells his mom later that night, she almost cries. “Oh Even. How nice for you.” She begs for Isak to be invited over immediately, and when Even informs her he can’t because of exams, she seems even more delighted. “And he’s in school? That’s just wonderful.”

Even rolls his eyes, but doesn’t object, mostly because he agrees.

Johanna doesn’t ask him immediately what happened with Isak. He’s sort of glad for it, the little reminder that having a boyfriend doesn’t mean the whole world is perfect, that he still needs time alone to work on himself.

Eventually though, he has to spill and tell her just about everything. Johanna nods, satisfied. “I’m glad you’re feeling good about this. You deserve it.” She returns to the task at hand, helping him sign up for a sketching and painting class at an art school nearby. He doesn’t always feel like he does deserve the good things that have been coming his way, but he’s working on getting there.

\-----

Even brings Isak some paninis for lunch one day, about a week before Isak’s birthday. What is an acceptable gift for your boyfriend of two weeks? He still has no idea what to get him, and he’s left to pester Jonas and Eskild for help, Magnus and Mahdi being deadends. 

Magnus had texted him _suck his dick!!_ repeatedly, and Mahdi just said _weed. Obvs._ Even might just end up doing both, but he wants something bigger as well, something with some sentiment.

Isak has devoured his first sandwich, and sits on the ledge near the library fiddling his thumbs for a moment before Even decides to end his misery, handing him another panini. “Here.”

Isak lights up and makes grabby hands. “You know me too well.”

Even laughs, checking his phone to see a message from Eskild.

_Eskild: get him a scent diffuser and essential oils!! They are very calming and baby Issy needs that_

Even groans. He just decides to bite the bullet. “What would you want for your birthday?”

Isak glares at him. “No.”

“What?” Even is surprised, worried he’s overstepped for a moment.

“You can’t get me a birthday gift.” Isak says, exasperated suddenly. “Every fucking day you feed me and listen to me vent and give me amazing orgasms and make me feel so amazing. You can’t add gifts on top of that.”

Even can’t help the laugh that leaves his mouth at Isak’s outburst. “That’s called me being your boyfriend.” He knows he’s certainly gone a little overboard recently trying to keep Isak happy and as unstressed as he can, but Even can’t help himself.

Isak still looks angry, but he’s softened a little as Even continues to laugh. He grabs Even’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “You’re just so good to me. So good in general. Like the Leslie Knope of Norway, Jesus.” 

Even feels so warm, sitting in the sun on this little ledge, in the middle of the concrete jungle that is UiO. He’s been working with Johanna, as usual, trying to focus on reaffirming his self-worth. It can be hard to do alone though, so when Isak says things like this, like it’s just a statement of fact from his scientific viewpoint, without any prompting, Even feels his heart give out.

“Did you want me to stop bringing you food?” Even says, keeping the mood light.

Isak brings his sandwich close to his chest for protection. “I didn’t say that. Just. Please. No gifts from you. Promise? I just want you at the “surprise” party Eskild is throwing.”

Even sighs and nods reluctantly. He’ll try his best.

Isak seems satisfied. “Just you wait though. When I’m done at the end of the week, I’m going full romance.”

“Full romance?”

Isak nods, all false bravado. “You’re getting wined and dined every night.”

“By that do you mean your shitty beer and kebabs?”

“Of course not.” Isak scoffs. “Cider and kebabs.”

Even laughs, triumphant. “So glad I’ve converted you.”

“Just don’t tell the boys.”

“Why, are you embarrassed?”

“Never. Just that Magnus will start hounding me to buy him nicer stuff. But it’ll just be for you and me.”

Even leans over to kiss Isak slowly. “You’re sweet.”

Isak pulls back before Even can deepen the kiss. “Sweet enough for you to stay over tonight?”

Even groans. He’d been trying to keep his distance, only staying over one night on the weekends, not wanting to bother Isak during the week. But Isak keeps asking, and Even really doesn’t want to keep saying no.

“I have an early shift tomorrow.” Even says, sad that it’s actually true.

“Speaking of, my last day is next week.” Isak says with a smile.

“That’s right. You excited?” Isak had finally put in his notice. Even will be sad to see him go, but Isak has already been so much happier knowing his days are numbered there. 

When Even had pointed out that his research position would be full time, rather than just the part time hours Isak would get at the store, meaning he’d make more money anyways, Isak had almost cried with relief. “How the fuck did I not think of that? If it weren’t for you Even…” Isak had said reverently later that night, before getting to his knees and showing his gratitude. Even felt very smart that day.

Isak pulls up his schedule on his phone before groaning. “My last day is my birthday.”

Even scoots closer, looking over his shoulder. “Will you have to miss your own party?”

“It’s a morning shift, thankfully.”

Even checks his own schedule. “Hey, we have the same hours that day.”

“Really?” Isak brightens up. “Then it’ll be a good day.”

Even laughs then, recalling the days before they officially met, when seeing Isak gave him the strength to make it through his shifts. His Good Days™. He really has come far since then.

Isak just stares. “What’s so funny?”

“God, I was just remembering when I would spend entire shifts salivating over your arms over the winter.”

Isak blanches. “Really? Before we met?”

“Yeah. I would like, go out of my way to pretend like I didn’t understand the store so I could ask you questions.”

Isak groans in understanding. “Holy shit. I had hoped that’s what you were doing, but then I thought maybe you were just really forgetful.”

“You liked me?”

Isak looks shocked. “Obviously. Fucking hell, I literally started paying attention to the products we sold so I could explain them better to you.”

It’s Even’s turn to be surprised. “You actually did work to impress me? Wow, you must have really liked me.”

Isak nods, laughing. “I was constantly scouting places around the store where we could hook up secretly, just on the off-chance you tried to make a move.”

And suddenly, Even knows what they’re doing for Isak’s birthday. “Wow. You’re desperate.”

Isak pulls him close suddenly, almost sending them both off the ledge into the grass. “I’m not denying it.” Even comes to rest above him, stroking his hair fondly.

Even smiles big. He can feel it all the way down in his soul. It’s all the hope for the future that Even doesn’t even know what to do with.

It’s his anticipation for his art class, his love and hatred for his current job, his burgeoning acceptance of himself as a human worthy of love, the missteps and setbacks he knows to expect. It’s his appreciation for the people around him, the ones who have seen it all and the ones who have welcomed him into their lives with open arms. 

And it’s Isak, grinning up at him, eyes so full of life, so focused on him, the way Even had longed for the first time he noticed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the past few weeks this stupid story has come to mean so much to me. i will be so sad to tuck it in. mostly bc i've been getting through my shifts at the grocery store by imagining isak/even/boy squad in my place and then putting some of the moments into the fic. will not confirm or deny how many of the lil store moments are real lmao. 
> 
> i said when i finished the fic i would apologize for being a shit writer. at the time i was assuming i would never finish it but ya girl followed through on something for once in her life! so i am sorry. but that don't mean i'll stop writing bitch!! 
> 
> also yes i do have a very important presentation in 6.5 hours. deja vu am i right ladies

**Author's Note:**

> lmao. I'm not going to say this is a good thing I've written, but it is the longest thing I've ever written. And it's the most effort I've ever put into anything that wasn't mandatory for a grade or work, so for that I'm proud of myself. But yeah we'll see where this goes! It won't be too long.
> 
> I want to apologize for being a shit writer but I'll just do it once I've posted the whole thing.
> 
> Proofreading? who is she. I have a midterm in 7 hours oh god


End file.
